The Trade-Off

I came up with a pretty nifty catch-phrase this morning: Hollywood is Hell's Greenroom...with really good snacks.  I don't know, do you like it?  Do you get it?  If you don't know what a greenroom is, google it please.  It's rarely green, but it always has snacks. 

The observation stemmed from reading Josh Friedman's blogpost about his nerve wracking and random spurts of yelling/nausea inducing experience of waiting to see if his TV show, 'Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles' was cancelled (which it was).  I follow Josh on twitter (and saw him on a panel at Comic Con) so am cognizant of his special brand of self-depreciating humor, but the post really got to me.  Here's a talented writer (and creator of a terrific scifi show) being reduced to shreds by the process of his show getting cancelled.  It almost wasn't because his show GOT cancelled, but the de-humanizing way in which it was.  The Hollywood Way.  

Then there was part of an email exchange this morning that I had from a friend who is a multi-hyphenate creative (like me) who has a deal for his series at a major studio (unlike me).  He was responding to my question of how things were going and, in a very positive tone, said it was ridiculously challenging.  That now that he was beholden to the studio (and their money), all he and his partner were doing were re-writes, pass after pass.  This frustrates me as I read his scripts, saw the spec-pilot, all amazing!  The first 5 episodes should be shot already, not being re-written for the twelfth time. But what choice does he and his partner have?  I know them, they don't want to be couped up in an office, they want to be shooting...but they are now at the mercy of the force that is corporate Hollywood, and it's grip is deadlier than Spock's.

This is what we dream of though, no? For our work to be recognized by the power's that be, those able to pay us large sums of money to relay our creative vision to the masses?  We dream of bungalow offices and reserved parking spaces on the lot, of a tentative production start date in fall 2009.  What we don't dream of is the reality.  That reality is too dark and complex to relay in my post (especially as I'm trying to keep it short this time) so if you want the reality of Hollywood, watch 'Swimming with Sharks', read The Mailroom, Easy Riders Raging Bulls, The Kid Stays in the Picture, Bernie Brillstein's book, even (actually definitely) Valley of the Dolls...but I always think of Marilyn Monroe (or was it another actress as I can't find the source) who said it best: the dream of being famous was so much better than the reality.  And that's not even taking into account when your star is falling.  

Are you the master of your dreams only until the studio buys them?  

I was lucky enough to be able to give John August, yes John friggin' August, notes on his recently published short story called 'The Variant'.  Eleven of us basically won a twitter reply contest to read and comment on the short.  After a few of us had already commented in detail within the hour, John posted that our notes were better and more quickly delivered than 90% of development execs.  You may be saying, 'oh, how cool, congrats!', but it didn't surprise me.  Why? Because I know development execs.  Contrary to some people's beliefs they generally aren't bad or untalented people (usually quite the opposite), but the passion they had for movies and storytelling has long since dried up because of the pressures of corporate Hollywood.  The easiest thing for them to say is 'No' (but after making sure no one else can say 'yes').  Why? Because they have bosses to answer to, who in turn have studio heads to answer to, who answer to Chairmans who answer to the Boards of Corporations...all who have (very) angry shareholders.  It's all about the almighty dollar, deciding what makes that dollar flow in tomorrow and not spending it today.  Nothing personal Josh, but if you're not making Fox's advertising partners excited about buying ad time on the network because your numbers are low, regardless of how rabid and passionate your existing fan base actually is (because there's no way to quantify the quality of viewership just the quantity, how wonderful), Fox is going to can you.  It's all about money.  That's why William Morris and Endeavor can send letters out to competing agencies to cease and desist from trying to hire their agents even though most of them are getting laid off anyway, it's all about money (actually not really a good example but I think it's disgusting that they did that and representative of how ignoble Hollywood can be).  

So if it's all about money and the Hollywood machine is cracked and broken (though even in it's best state it had faulty parts), leaking out all the creative and passionate fuel it once had, letting quality projects and creatives get their spirit squashed once the studio and or the network control their destiny, what about John's new short?  What happened with 'The Variant?'  It rose to the top tiers of paid downloads for Kindle on Amazon.  Not only did John derive creative help from the collective on twitter but promoted it through his followers.  Did they get paid- nope- just felt part of the process.  And that's what's beautiful about this growing creative community that is strengthening online- the collective spirit.  I have never felt more honest, sincere desire to help a fellow creator than in this space.  In Hollywood, never, ever did I ever feel that it was anything other than a competition, and if someone did help you, you knew you owed them. Read this article in Wired- seriously.  It articulated a lot of what I have been feeling.  

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not positing that an online magic potion exists that will get 'Sarah Connor' resurrected and reverse Josh's experience of being terminated (yes I had to say it), or one that halts the unnecessary re-writes that my friend is toiling through.  At this point, the studios still control the keys to producing and distributing large scale entertainment products.  I just am trying to show that good content can be cultivated, supported and ultimately be made to thrive through a collaborative and supportive community that happens to exist online.  "The Variant" should be the first marker for the road that we all need to go down.  Because the big Hollywood machine is ultimately going to come tumbling down, either when Fox falls because its new blockbuster has been illegally downloaded for the umpteenth time or the government has had to rescue General Electric from bankruptcy so NBC shuts down.  Let's all please think of a way to merge the current resources of Hollywood with the spirit of the online creative community.   Because when the masses are seeing a show that I created, I want the reality to be as good as the dream, even if I have to share a parking spot.

Be back soon...All Things T

Renovating Geekville: Part 2

I'm assuming that you were around for last week's post? Of course you were and thus have been waiting patiently for the continuation of my epic voyage into the land of Geek. What does it means to be a geek, who can honestly call themselves one, and were celebrities wrongly included in a video that celebrated geek culture?

Lights are flickering, cash bar is closing

Part 2 begins:

Did you know that the original meaning of geek, according to wordnet.princeton.net, is a carnival performer who performs disgusting acts? Not only is a geek a carny but he/she does something utterly grotesque (apparently it was in reference to a performer biting off the head of a live chicken- in all seriousness). The Germanic root of the word geek is geke (foolish) and the Dutch root is gek (crazy). What an auspicious start. I connect with this next definition a tiny bit more: a person who is single minded or accomplished in scientific or technical pursuits, but is felt to be socially inept. That definition is pretty inter-changeable with the one for nerd, except that nerd covers all different academic fields and has an even more pejorative tone to it. But the most significant definition that I keep finding is more of a reference point than a definition: See 'computer geek'. That instruction often manifests in my geek Google searches. And to compound this observation, if you type in computer geek in a Google search field, geeks.com comes up. What is this site? It's an online computer store. And the cartoon logo of 'the geek' is highly stereotypical: glasses, messy red hair, big nose, beady eyes. Geeks and computer geeks are more often than not interchangeable...at least on Google. I wonder why that is? (#sarcasm).

This parallel sheds some light on the celebrity Geek backlash. Is being an authentic geek contingent on an affiliation with computing? And I'm not talking about owning a MacBook Pro and having a Twitter account, I'm referring to serious programming skills. So how much is needed? If this quiz that I found really does establish who is and is not a geek, then I better travel back in time and yell at my Comp Sci teacher. No celebrity, save Bill Gates could call himself a real geek (he's known as the alpha geek actually), nor could, I'm assuming, 90% of the people showcased on the I Am A Geek video. But I know that this must be an outdated definition as the very purpose of this post is to address the evolution of the term geek, thus I rejoiced when I landed on this great passage from Julie Smith:

"He was the very personification of a 'geek', a bright young man turned inward, poorly socialized, who felt so little kinship with his own planet that he routinely traveled to the ones invented by his favorite authors, who thought of that secret, dreamy place his computer took him to as cyberspace -- somewhere exciting, a place more real than his own life, a land he could conquer, not a drab teenager's room in his parents' house."

Sigh. Eyes almost welling with nostalgic tears. In my reality, I used books and my imagination to escape to non-Earth planets as a youngster, but the image above still hits home. Here is someone who would hard wire his brain to his computer's mainframe had he the chance and escape into world of limitless possibilities, built on 1's and 0's. I think this passage sums it up perfectly: geeks turn to technology for escape from the regular world.

This passage illuminates three important points about geeks: an affinity for technology, a need for escapism and an inception at youth. How does escapism go hand in hand with an obsession with computers, you ask? Why the escapism? Let me ask you a question first...if you do consider yourself a geek: Were you popular in school? Don't give me the, "yes I had lots of friends in band and one really close buddy that lent me his dad's Playboys and who I went to see 'Return of the Jedi' with". We're you popular? Were you part of 'that crowd' that ruled the school and was filled with stereotypes from a John Hughes movie? If you consider yourself a geek and were popular, I really want to know so I can put you in a room and study you.

Throughout school, I resided on the fringes of popularity. I was a cute girl and was friends with one of the popular girls, probably because I lived in a nice house, but did I feel liked and more importantly understood by my popular peers? No...Definitely not. When I was a younger, even as a teen, I felt horribly different and alone. Having panic attacks about the sun going supernova on the Earth and trying to understand the probability of random accidents befalling me and my family were common occurrences by age nine (not that my parents knew or to the shrink would I have gone!). 

Beyond the chaos of my tortured brain, however, I simply wished that I had a super duper group of best friends who liked me. Unfortunately, the world around me just didn't seem all that accommodating...so I got got lost in stories. I couldn't seem to digest enough of them- in fables, Greek Mythology, Nancy Drew and Chose Your Own Adventures and in Roland Dahl's worlds of peaches and witches. Then in Betty and Veronica comics and 'He-Man' cartoons. My favorite stories were actually ones that my father and my grandmother would make up on the spot, about Sinbad the Sailor and about a brave young girl lost in the woods trying to find her way home. Because they were told instead of read, I became enamored with the power to create a multi- dimensional image with just words. I didn't know it at the time (as all I would envision was the day when I was finally an adult and free of 'mean girls'), but those hours of storytelling coaxed my brain to become idea generator that it is today. I was reading an article on one of the co-founders of the internet, Leonard Kleinrock, who credited his obsession with Superman comics with inspiring him to build his first radio, at age six. No wonder children have an easier time crossing over into the parallel universe on 'Fringe', their minds have the opportunity and the willingness to go anywhere and do anything. 

So my thought is that if our childhood reality was fairly miserable, our instinct to survive compelled us to create a new one. For some of us, that was in our heads through an active imagination, for others it was vis a vi Dungeons and Dragons. How can it change our lives? Well for me, I dreamed of experiences far past the boundaries of my hometown and my creative essay secured me a spot at a top university (I know this for a fact). I have held on to the idea (albeit naively) that if I can envision it, and I work hard enough, it is possible. For others still, it was looking at a computer terminal and dreaming what the potential of such a device was, of actually teaching one to speak and think. Hello technology, good bye status quo and the popular crowd that embraces it.

What about geek culture and the fact that it is becoming more mainstream? All I have to say is Comic Con and even the least geeky person has heard of it, and might even be trying to get tickets. Geek is chic now...which aligns with the whole celebrity aspect of my post…but why? Because the geek culture represents a passionate, supportive community. The sense of community in society today is practically non-existent; do you know all your neighbors or go to Town Hall Meetings? Didn't think so. You probably don't go to church anymore either (I certainly don’t). 

We as human beings need companionship, a community, we need a tribe (as Seth Godin explores in his TED speech). If we are ones who don't align with the status quo, we definitely need to find our tribe. How do we do that? If you weren't popular and didn't feel accepted by the popular kids in school and turned to comics, or 'Star Wars', or 'Buffy', how did you find like-minded devotees? Technology, as Seth Godin pointed out, solved that problem. The internet didn't create one large homogeneous community, it allowed countless smaller ones, tribes as he calls them, to form. These communities don't care about where you live, your dress size or your paycheck, just your passion for the topic. As these online communities strengthened, so did the technological platform that they were built on. You can now connect and play against million of people on 'World of Warcraft' and then watch a webseries about fictional WoW players! Soon, you will be able to become part of a Star Trek online gaming experience if you chose to put your Trekkie knowledge to the test and subscribe to the MMORPG.

These type of online communities have of course now spilled into the mainstream. Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, these are all social networking platforms that could be seen as mass derivatives of online communities originally founded by ‘geeks’ looking to connect. Though created by geeks, technology has become a device of the popular. What do you do when the popular even want to call themselves geeks?

Let them. Let popular people be exposed to the subjects, gadgets and stories that have long dominated the lives of us here down in the sub-cultures. We all need a little escapism these days and as geeks we need to be welcoming, not cliquee. Because, can we honestly say that Shaq was part of the status quo as a kid? No, he was a 7 foot alien to his peers. Or Oprah? Talk about bashing down the status quo! And she didn’t have Twitter to help her during her early years. Or even Ashton...he was a model and a sitcom star who has made a respectable career for himself as a producer. Look at what he’s done- it’s pretty innovative. He’s definitely an idea guy and he challenges the mainstream’s idea of entertainment all the time. I have no idea what their childhoods were like but somewhere there was the impetuous for them to create change, so they might be the geekiest peeps amongst us.

Do you see why geeks can't just be computer geeks anymore, though there is a direct correlation between the original term and the more evolved one? I don't believe there is one set of parameters that defines who is a geek in today's times. I definitely agree that it shouldn't just be because someone uses Twitter, but then again, maybe that someone joined Twitter because they wanted to expand their perspective on life and be exposed to new minds, new ideas. If no one desired change, no one would challenge the status quo, thus no evolution would occur. In a nutshell, I believe a bunch of geeky, unpopular kids paved the way for life as we know it today. They dreamt big because they had to. So during these days economic and social strife, head to Star Trek for two hours of fantastic escapism, turn off your phones out of respect now matter how much you want to twitter, and let's just support all those who don't quite fit in and want to dream of something better.

Phew!

Be back soon...All Things T

Renovating Geekville

Grrr....Arrggg! I've been away from my blog for far too long! For those of you who are subscribers or regular readers, I'm sorry about that - my time just got eaten up by the career monster (grrr...arrggg) that's the sound he makes - yup, just like Joss Whedon's cute little Mutant Enemy guy- our monsters are friends, or at least my little guy follows the little mutant on Twitter and I hope they'll be friends one day...along with JJ's Bad Robot.

'Star Trek' rocks!!! (thanks @bonniegrrl for the fab Bones pic) 'Dollhouse' gets renewed!!! 'After Judgment' is now sponsored by Microsoft!! (well 2 out of 3 ain't too shabby)

So, what's new? Besides that you loved 'Star Trek' and want to see it again? (yup me too!) Have you been discovering your creative voice? Been mulling over the social ramifications of para-social relationships? Or have I just created a 'Twilight'/ Robert Pattinson fan out of you? 'New Moon' is almost done shooting...I won't be able to hold off blogging about that for long...though I really should (note to self: find new pale, lanky actor with accent, who stars in films that are indie art house hits, thus blog worthy, to fixate on). Wow, It's kinda freeing being able to write again like this. Ironically one of the numerous things that kept me away from this little creative outlet of mine for the past few months was a fashion writing gig that required me to be entertaining (while writing about tiered mini dresses), but still grammatically correct, plus I could only use one space between sentences (huh?). But that gig is already over (a little prematurely I might add), but I've also been up to a lot of other good things that hopefully won't have a premature ending, ie. lots of usage and reruns! I shot two national commercials - one directed by the Coen Bros. (you can see the behind the scenes footage here) and a Clairol campaign directed by Barry Levinson also starring Angela Kinsey from 'The Office'. I did a small spot on 'Lie to Me' and a few print jobs. I also shot a festival caliber short called 'Beaverton' that is a passion piece for a bunch of people and had amazing, top level crew and talent involved including Peter Jason and 'Gentleman' Jim Planette because of it. Valesca Cnossen directed it and Keri Smith wrote it and I am honored to have been able to bring such a beautiful role to life. I felt like all the 'trauma drama' scenes that I had done over the years in acting class prepped me for being an veritable open wound for three days (doesn't that sound pretty!?). 

Then there's 'After Judgment' - that difficult, demanding and draining child of mine that I love with all of my heart, like any good parent. We were nominated for 5 Streamy Awards as well as being named a finalist for the Audience Choice Award! I was even nominated in the Best Actress category whoo hoo!! We didn't win anything! Whoo hoo! Great experience though, especially being able to experience my first red carpet with the cast and presenting an award (to Neil Patrick Harris no less). I thought things would settle down after the awards but how wrong was I. No heaps of money or network deals fell on our lap, just a few more doors that were left slightly ajar. Needless to say we (my partners Mike and Stephanie and I) have been working tirelessly to keep 'After Judgment' going, raise money for Season 2 and get our other brilliant ideas into script form so that we can continue down the road to web TV domination with new projects as well. We have some really great ideas too so I better get to the point of this blog post fast as I have to get back to work on one of the treatments!

Becoming truly immersed and even having my work recognized in the Web TV/ digital landscape has presented an interesting opportunity. I can validate my inner geek. Now, if you've read my musings before you already know that I've talked about my geekdom a lot (I'm not just jumping on the bandwagon): from holiday thoughts in A Holiday in Geekville to wondering if I can still have geek street cred if I'm not a gamer (unless karaoke on Playstation counts). As many of you readers know, there's been a bit of a kerfuffle over the I Am A Geek video in the past week. Because of the Twitter revolution, some mainstream celebs have embraced the microblogging tool that were initially, solely used by early adopter folks already invested in the online space. Jeff MacPherson, aka Dr. Tiki used Twitter long before I had ever heard of it, and when he tried to explain it to me a full year before I started using it, my response was 'but I don't have a Blackberry.' ? Needless to say, he's a pioneer in Web TV and embraced the digital space as a new platform for video content, before YouTube even existed, and is an active Twitter user...but he wasn't on the I Am A Geek video. Shaq, MC Hammer and Ashton were. They are all on Twitter and they all have hundreds of thousands of followers, even a million in Ashton's case. They are seen as mainstream media successes. So why were they in a Geek video? Because they like and use Twitter? Does utilizing a social media application that connects you to adoring fans make you a geek? Probably not. It makes you a narcissist with an iPhone. Maybe. And that's what I sensed a lot of people on Twitter were thinking; that it was a joke that those celebs were included in a Geek video, that the makers behind the video were just looking for added publicity. So GeekDad quickly followed up with a list of top 100 geeks to follow on Twitter, because we have to get a hold of Geekville and make sure that the borders are patrolled! But, whoa....hold on there you geeky minuteman! Just because someone happens to be a celebrity, who might be a narcissist with a good PR rep, doesn't mean that they aren't still a geek. They just might be a well paid and an often photographed one. Does the fact that someone really not know the ins and outs of Linux and wordpress mean that they can't be classified as a geek? Does geek really have to mean computer geek? So don't go getting your panties in a bunch over a few B-List celebs involved in a random video celebrating geek culture which ultimately benefited a literacy charity. Why don't we, instead, step back and realize in a time when a re-booted 'Star Trek' can kick butt at the box office, a low-rated 'Dollhouse' can get renewed, and a strange little 140 microblogging tool can suddenly connect millions of people and their inner monologues, that the term geek actually needs to be addressed and redefined in this day and age?

Hi, it's future Taryn (I feel like I've gone through a worm hole and done a Star Trek/Lost time travel thing). I've been writing for many hours now and I've decided to end this part of the post here as I am diving into some pretty crazy waters below (of which you obviously can't see yet but you will), and it deserves its own separate post. So think about what geek means to you and I will be back with Part 2 before you know it!

Rom-halan! Be back soon...

All Things T

Another Thing 'T'

I'm writing a new post! But who knows how long it will take me as I'm a little rusty...so in the mean time, I'm obsssed with capturing moments on my iPhone so will start posting my shots here from time to time...

This set is called...'RED LIGHT/GREEN LIGHT'

I wonder why...(they were taken during some really cool fog down by my house). These are the original pics taken from my iPhone (not touched up or color adjusted), and yes, I was behind the wheel...holding up traffic because I thought the three staggered cars and the rest of it looked so cool. 

What are your coolest iPhone shots?  Link to them in a comment and I'll post them if I love them. 

Be back soon...All Things T

This is a post that I wrote a few weeks ago but couldn't publish as the nominations (we knew we were a possible Finalist for Audience Choice Award) for the 1st Annual Streamy Awards weren't public.  It meant a lot when I wrote it, though, so wanted to share during this hectic week.  Thanks for everyone's support of me and 'After Judgment'- it means so much:

------------

Permit me a moment of your time to indulge in a quick but poignant what if.  Do you let yourself go to that pesky place and ask yourself the what ifs? Mine is coming from the release of "Watchmen", and the notion that I could possible watch my webseries win a coveted Streamy Award. Huh? Sorry back track. "Watchmen" opens this Friday. This is a movie that could be one of the most prolific films of 2009 or even the decade. Don’t forget that Zach Snyder is the 'visionary directory of 300' and that these are graphic novels that have already left a lasting mark on pop culture by creator/writer Alan Moore and his dystopic view of an alternate society.

So what’s my 'what if'? Well I was up for a role in the film. It wasn’t huge but it was a big scene with a few pages of dialogue with the veritable Billy Crudup (as Dr. Manhattan). I auditioned on tape along with a few hundred other actresses in Vancouver and then found out a few weeks later that I had a callback and would be auditioning for Zach Snyder himself; he apparently ‘liked my look’. Now I had seen ‘300’ already, knew of the Watchmen series and was cognisant of what a huge deal this movie was. The callback was also at the tail end of a three month stint in Vancouver where I had yet to book a job. I went to the callback, had a magical experience in the cavernous sound stage, where I met and read (and was re-directed numerous times) by Zach and his producing partner wife Deborah and walked out of there truly believing I had booked the part. There were three other women there besides myself- that was it. But it didn’t happen- after a phone call to my agent, I was simply told ‘that I wasn’t in the mix anymore’.

What if I had booked that role? My agent in Vancouver most certainly wouldn’t have dropped me, and consequently neither would my fancy LA manager. I probably would have stayed in Vancouver longer or kept popping up for weekly stints, inevitably wrecking havoc on my personal life. And I honestly don’t know if I would have shot "After Judgment". I really don’t know. I was so desperate to prove myself as an actor that that one significant booking might have derailed my growing focus towards writing and producing, and I would be still trapped on the hamster wheel that is auditioning. Zach and Deborah’s one little decision, a minuscule blip on their radar, had massive, massive ramifications on my life. I feel like I’m watching Michael Caine in "Mr. Destiny" show John Belushi how not hitting the home run in high school changed the entire course of his life.

Am I crazy to have these thoughts? Maybe booking the role wouldn’t have made that much of an impact on my life, but for dramatic story sense, I’d like to think it would have. I think it’s also ironic that the foundation of the Watchman story line is an alternate reality where Richard Nixon stayed in office and won the Vietnam war- there’s a 'what if' for you. Where would I be today if I had booked it? Would all my acting dreams have been answered? Would I feel that I had achieved a certain level of success because I was part of Warner Bros. tent pole film? What about the little things? Would I have still started blogging? Would I have gotten back into acting class and found a little gem of a play that I hope to produce, not to mention the laundry list of film/tv project ideas that I have on the go. Or would Zach Snyder have taken an interest in my tv series idea, whilst I bonded with him on set, so I would have had the best of both worlds? What if, what if, what if? STOP.

I sit in my house, in front of my laptop with piles of paperwork and post it notes around me, a year and a half after learning that ‘I wasn’t in the mix anymore’. I look at the possibility of seeing "After Judgment" exposed to the mainstream media because we’re potentially nominated for a Streamy Award and it looks like it will be a huge event. I look at the possibility of finding sponsorship for Season 2 and a whole world of opportunities that have opened up because I stomped full-force into web producing. I look at these words I have just written and force out a cleansing breath heavy with painful 'what ifs'- it is time to banish them- because they are pointless what ifs. Because in this place where I sit now, there is only the what is.  

And what will be.  

The Golden God

Boy I do miss the days when the Academy Awards used to be on Mondays, do you remember that? That was back when I worked at William Morris and my headset still had a cord. Around lunchtime, the motion picture agents, still hungover from Ed Limato’s Saturday night ICM party and rife with dirty gossip, would start barking at their assistants to wrap up their phone sheets (well at least return the important calls) and make sure that they were on the appropriate party lists. They would pace up and down the hallways, cell phones to their ear, tuxes half on (most of the agents by my office were male) yelling to find out if the wife was ready at home and if the car was on the way. Once all the tuxes left around 2pm, we assistants got to leave early; half day because of the Oscars! I loved the frenetic energy that doused the WMA hallways as we peons shut down our computers, locked the inner sanctums, then headed out for cocktails- imagining the day when we would be on our way to the red carpet or better yet the Vanity Fair party afterwards.

Today is Oscar day…whoohooo.

That’s about as much enthusiasm as I can muster. I’m pretty non-plussed over this Gil Cates manufactured, ad-driven (though barely this year) and already predicted (click if you want to see the supposed winners) event. The stars, the gowns and glitz, even the announcement of the winners don’t emotionally resonate with me this year. As an actor now, yes, I admit to having those random moments of visualizing myself on the red carpet, and better yet, at the podium receiving my statue, giving my perfect acceptance speech. Yes, I would like to hold that little golden man in my hands and feel the world’s approval of my artistic talents (or the studio’s publicity machine) raining down on me. But as soon as those images pop into my head I banish them to the ‘bad ego’ part of my psyche. This award, or any award, isn’t why I entered this field of storytelling.

So, the capricious grey sky today pretty much reflects my mood towards watching the show. Except for one little ray of light peeking out from the ominous clouds, one golden cuff that is shackling me to the telecast. I could try to break free but what’s the point. The world’s newest heartthrob, an actor who has spawned more websites, facebook fan pages, and 6 ft cardboard cutouts than any other actor in history, (I’m assuming for theatrics sake and taking into account that the internet wasn’t around when James Dean was alive) will be presenting. Robert Pattinson aka Edward Cullen aka king of the crooked smile and floppy hair will be walking on stage…to present an award…at some point (I’m assuming towards the end to keep us all glued). Cue the screaming.

I step back and just shake my head. I mean what madness has swooped down and bewitched so many of us that the man-child’s 30 second presence could actually make one want to watch the entire awards show. That is insane! Ever since Hitfix confirmed that he RPattz would be presenting, I’ve followed the digital trail. Twitter feed @RobPattznews is the best for linking to the up-to-the-minute news and pictures of his mundane (but still dreamy because it’s him doing them) activities since arriving in LA. Lunch with his agent! Walking to his car! Wearing a white t-shirt that shows off his biceps! Revealing his hair and weird beard! Honestly it’s mind boggling that this young British gent inspires such mass hysteria (though I do have some theories). He is undoubtedly Hollywood’s new Golden Boy. Golden Boy meet little Golden statue- say hi! “helloo”. (yes, just like in the Biology class scene).

Why am I once again embarrassing myself by talking about my Twilight/ Robert Pattinson obsession? Because it actually ties back to a (legitimate) topic that I have been musing over for the past few months, ever since two tidbits of Hollywood development news struck my interest. Movie stars are a dying breed.

Baz Lurhman is supposedly set to direct a new adaptation of ‘The Great Gatsby’. I love Fitzgerald and have read the book numerous times, and have recently dipped into a bio book about his Scribners editor Max Perkins as well as the Hemingway book ‘A Moveable Feast’ that details the adventures the two authors had while together in Paris. Fitzgerald’s characters are a mirror of his flawed genius and tell stories in a sprawling, colorful and tempermental time in our history. And I love Baz: ‘Moulin Rouge’ changed my life (that's another post) and his visionary approach to storytelling inspires the way I try to approach this business.

My first thought, well after my general feelings of glee and how can I be a part of this production, was who will play Gatsby? Jay Gatsby is an iconic figure. Golden, glorious, yet ultimately desperate for love and imbuded with ambition- heavily flawed. I loved Redford in the role, even if it was just the way his golden hair was backlit like a halo. I believed him in his naïve bravado and smug 'host with the most' persona and bought it when his vulnerable, deep obsession with Daisy exploded. Who could capture that tricky combination of qualities on screen? Ummm, hmmm, any ideas? No one is really coming to mind (not adding Rob into the equation). Nikki Finke even posted out that question but the myriad responses only confirmed my sneaking suspicion that there is no one in Hollywood who is right for this role of Gatsby. It’s not about acting, it’s about the being.

Cut to a few weeks and I read a post about a new Steve McQueen biopic in development. Steve McQueen! What can I say- the name says it all. His characters spanned the genres, from a ramblin’ gamblin’ man in "Cinncinnati Kid" to a steely detective in "Bulitt" to a slick playboy thief in "The Thomas Crown Affair", not to mention his western and war movies. His characters all jumped off the screen and attacked you with their realism and raw intensity. He was sexy in his stillness, the way he drank his coffee at the opening of "Bulitt". He, for lack of a better term, was a manly man but, much like Newman, could steep his characters with dose of silliness and levity. Most importantly, he always let his characters’ vulnerabilities peak from beneath their masculine surface. In short, he was the most watchable man on the planet. (Still have to rent the "Getaway" can’t believe I’ve never seen that film). So who on earth will play this super man? Apparently Brad Pitt is front runner (he owns McQueen’s mugshot) and Colin Ferrel and Daniel Craig have been mentioned. I am a Clive Owen fan but he’s not right. And more importantly, this film is supposed to be about McQueen’s younger years, late 20’s, early 30’s. None of the previously mentioned actors, except Colin Ferrel are even close to that age! And no one possesses those on screen McQueen qualities at that age, I'm sorry, no one.

So it seems like (and definitely point it out if I’m wrong) there aren’t any young male actors that are taking up the torch of movie icons past. No one seems to have the 'presence' to step into the shoes of Gatsby or McQueen. But in the same breath I don’t think actors like Brando or James Dean could ever survive today’s onslaught of press and paparazzi. The demons and darkness that made them infinitely watchable would be aired out as dirty laundry on everyone’s Yahoo home page and quickly lead to their destruction. Those who are succeeding today in Hollywood are smart and saavy, keen to play the publicity machine and maneuver the red carpet. That move allows them a career but it drains them of mystery, of authenticity- don’t you agree? Young stars know that the red carpet and pics of such are the life blood of their career…if they can get on enough websites and into tabloid mags, it gives them currency, enough so that studios will put them in more films. 

The mass hysteria around Robert Pattinson makes me believe that he is different. He doesn’t court the media but he doesn’t punch cameramen in the face either. He lets them co-exist with him, if they can actually find him. I can’t imagine how many events he has been invited to since Twilight came out but he’s made his requisite Twilight premiere appearances and then jetted back to London to hang out in pubs and show up at open mic nights. He likes his music, likes his buddies and seems very committed to his job as an actor. He also seems to like to say ‘no’ to the Hollywood machine. And that makes him even more appealing. As @RobPattznews messaged me, ‘Rob has that Beatles and Elvis quality’. My husband shook his head in staunch disagreement but I quite agree.

So I will watch the Oscars tonight, not care if I see Brad Pitt, George Clooney, or lord forbid Zac Efron or the Jonas Brothers on the red carpet. I’ll feel genuine happiness towards those who win because it definitely is a great achievement (even if we do already know who does). And I will gleefully scream (with my inside voice) when Rob walks out on the stage. Oscar will have its golden moment. But it’s future is pretty bleak.

How noble in reason, but how infinite in faculty...

"You see things; and you say, "Why?" But I dream things that never were; and I say, "Why not?""

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

We’ve come to a point in our collective experience as a society, hit from all sides by a flailing economy, that we are resigned to hunker down. We’re working hard, glad if we actually have a job to work hard at, stashing any excess cash under the mattress (as banks, of course, can’t be trusted anymore) and just keeping our head down so the recession monster can’t come and snatch up our heavily mortgaged house. The tags of our daily life are now ‘surviving the downturn’, ‘weathering the storm’ and ‘simplifying your lifestyle’. It is certainly not a good climate for day-dreaming. "Day dreaming?" you laugh. You know, going inward, allowing the sub-conscious to take flight, throwing off the shackles of the mundane world, like we do while we sleep, but only you’re actually awake. But these days if someone were at their desk and caught staring off into space, the office collective would probably shake it’s head and silently confirm that if someone had to go- it was going to be the day dreamer. Why? Because not actually ‘doing’ something physical, not indicating the ‘work’ that you are doing with your body, is more often than not seen as doing nothing at all. We’re by-products of the Industrial Revolution and the Puritanical settlers of this country. The enlightened didn’t jump on the first rickety ships to the New World, the workers, the builders, the farmers looking for a better life, enslaved under the ruling thumb of the imperialist governments, did. When the going gets tough, that historical arch-type, the one who laid the concrete foundation for this powerful nation, is who we are supposed to become again. It’s time to work, not think...or at least if you have to think, think hard!  Ugh.  

"The source and center of all man's creative power. . . is his power of making images, or the power of imagination.
"
ROBERT COLLIER

My husband often catches me staring at a wall. After years of doing this he still seems confounded by it. No, I’m not solving some quantum physics problem in my head (though I’d like to be able to). Usually, I’m staring at the wall because I’m creating an image in my head that satiates my need for aesthetic beauty. I love interior decorating and design so I imagine what my house could look like if I had a willing handyman and a five figure remodeling budget. Regardless of that not being a reality, in my head I’m still reconfiguring our furniture layout and changing the wall color, if only just one wall so that it would be more of an accent and increase the depth of the room, helped by the addition of the large William Sonoma Home mirror that would be purchased and hung horizontally. Then there would be the new built in sofa type bench along the side windows that would make our dining area feel more like a lived-in library than a regular dining area that rarely gets used. (I think dining tables and chairs, propped there in a middle of a room with no other purpose than a random dinner party or an extra desk is stupid and eerie). But there’s no possible way that my husband can peek into my mind and know that I am visualizing and crafting this image (but he does however comment that the house looks nice after I've clustered the angular Picasso prints and our montage of black and white Parisian prints together to contrast with the gilded mirror.)  So instead he just waves his hand in front of my face until my focus comes back to the show we’re watching, or until I bat his hand away and growl, "I'm thinking!", which is usually the case. 

Just to state the obvious, I like to put my brain to better use than just creating a virtual page out of the now defunct Domino magazine (grrrr dumb economy).  Whatever I am working on, I always try to take myself out of that I have 20 things on my list to get done! state of mind and coax my brain to just freely focus what I am trying to achieve, whether it's a marketing strategy for 'After Judgment' or the integral scene that will link the secondary plot to the main narrative on our tv project.  When I achieve this focus, there is a LOT of staring into space going on.  But then intense scribbling and typing usually follows.  I like to think and I really like my imagination. It's a trippy place to visit and I have recently started to become a frequent traveler and embrace it’s vastness and it’s power. I think that the power of the imagination needs to be championed...because it's infinite.

I happened to watch three movies this weekend that inspired me to continue musing on the topic of creativity and now the power of imagination: 'The Diving Bell and the Butterfly', 'Coraline' and 'Man on Wire'. Each of these stories and their cinematic representations are unique; all of them represent a ‘first’, either in the content of the story or they way in which they are told. The first and most meaningful to me was 'The Diving Bell and the Butterfly'. Jean-Dominique Bauby or Jean Do, as his friends called him, wrote a personal memoir having only the use of his left eye to communicate. Seriously, I know! This sounds beyond the realm of truthful human experience but it is indeed a true story. This movie rocked me to the core. As any good filmmaker can do, one is made to empathize and connect with the protagonist. But in this case, director (and artist) Julian Schnabel takes it to a nauseating and claustrophobic extreme by breaking the fourth wall and giving the audience the experience of being Jean Do as he wakes up from his 20 day post-stroke coma, only to discover his condition of being completely paralyzed with a fully-functional brain, or ‘locked in’ as it is called. Kathleen Kennedy, during the commentary, acknowledged my initial revulsion at being put through this visceral experience…I honestly didn’t think that I could handle it. My active, imaginative brain quickly placed myself in that very predicament, as if I was deep into character study, and I began to weep, going crazy in the ‘what would I do’ if something as horrible as this were to happen to me or a loved one. But then, out of the claustrophobic darkness the film had thrust me into came a bright relief - a sweeping overhead shot of a snow-covered mountain peak interrupted by the movement of a small dark figure carving long serpentines down the powdery face. This was Jean Do, living life both as he had before but also in the now. He was free in the moment, in his mind.  Then he fluidly moved to his memory of a beach, to feasting, to lovemaking; he let himself experience them all in his mind, as freely as if he were there rolling in the sand with his lover, waves crashing over him. This was the moment when he allowed his fully-functioning brain to become a portal to the larger than life experiences that he had already had and still wanted to have. He gave himself over to the power of his mind. He countered the oppressive feeling of the diving bell, the metal diving suit that trapped him motionless beneath the water, with that of a winged creature, free to escape the confinements of the mortal world.

"My cocoon becomes less oppressive, and my mind takes flight like a butterfly. There is so much to do. You can wander off in space or in time, set out for Tierra del Fuego or for King Midas's court."

At this point in the film my breathing returned to normal and I just reveled in this enlightened man’s quest to tell his story and live and love in the rare moments that he had left on this earth, mostly because he gave himself over to, well himself.

The other two films that I was lucky enough to see this weekend were ‘Coraline’ and ‘Man on Wire’. ‘Coraline’, the exquisite marriage of Neil Gaiman’s imaginative story and Henry Selick’s rare talent for directing within the confines of stop-motion animation left me giddy - as if I were six again watching ‘The Wizard of Oz’ for the first time. This film was the first product out of Phil Knight’s studio Laika and it was a 3-D masterpiece, first of it’s kind. Who knew that a nine and a half inch model puppet and her adventures into an alternate universe (that keenly played upon her boredom and disconnect from her parents) could affect me on such an emotional level. Then there was ‘Man on Wire’, a documentary about tightrope walker Phillipe Petit and ‘his artistic crime of the century’. Through this film I learned about a true artist, malleable athlete and manic visionary who engineered and performed the first and only tightrope walk between the tops of the World Trade Centers. What most struck me about this story was Phillipe’s initial vision and how he turned it into a reality. The first time he read the news story about the Towers being built (they were simply foundations and a set of plans at that time), he immediately believed that his purpose was to walk between their peaks. And when I say walk, there is nothing pedestrian about his movements. He danced on this taught steel wire, dipping, kneeling, gliding, even laying down horizontally, balancing 1400 feet in the air (as well as making the cross eight times!). As he could see it in his mind, he accomplished it, but after years of planning and preparing.

So what does this mean for all of us. For me, these films inspire me to go further, that I can accomplish more, that my brain is capable of creating more. Not to get all ‘The Secret’ on you but I wonder what we could all accomplish if we were given the permission, or even mandated to stop and just focus inward, let our imagination take over and give ourselves over to where it takes us. We are all capable of imaginative thought, regardless of our artistic temperament. Joseph Campbell, in his epic 'Power of Myth' interview with Bill Moyers, believes that all humans share the same source of imagination as it is "grounded in the energy of the organs of the body and these are the same in all human beings."  What if we allow for our natural impulses to be acknowledged and not squashed by a better ‘work ethic’ and the to-the-minute adult responsibilities. I’m not talking about encouraging pointless fantasies to engulf and override our day (though nothing wrong with fantasies here and there) but rather stepping back and acknowledging the power of our imagination to tackle some of the issues and problems that we all now face. 

Do I know how? No, of course not, and if I did I’d at least be making money off this blog, but why don’t we all, just for fun, STOP for a moment. And then Breathe. Think of what your personal roadblock is right now. Identify it. Then create the ideal. Watch yourself as you walk through it, live it, make it tangible. I can tell you that mine brings a smile to my face every time I access it. And then tell yourself that you can indulge in that ideal image whenever you need. It might identify some elements of your work and life that you are not giving yourself over to, that your mind will instinctively flutter to, like Jean Do’s butterfly. So go see ‘Coraline’ (support innovative filmmaking!), rent the other two films and relish in the delicious treat that you have between both your ears. What a piece of work is man...indeed.  Be back soon.

All Things T