All Things T

Hey there!

2009-11-13T11:06:00.000-08:00

Happy Friday the 13th! You do know why you never get blog updates from me anymore, right? It's because I moved! So this is just a friendly reminder to you awesome family members, friends and supporters to 'follow' me at my new site: www.tarynoneill.com otherwise know as All Things T.

I have just been able to start updating again so if do the 'follow' thing you'll get my updates- no twitter needed.

Hope you're having a fantastic day and don't forget to check out the newest episode of 'Hurtling Through Space at an Alarming Rate!' Thanks!

A New Home

2009-10-01T09:00:00.000-07:00

What a year. I can't believe that a year ago next week, Michael Davies, Stephanie Thorpe and I launched our scifi webseries After Judgment and in doing so dipped our toe into this world of new media that I would now like to consider home. In less than a year, webseries and the platform upon which they exist, have become my life. I have been fortunate to have After Judgment embraced by the community and the critics; being nominated for a Streamy was such a thrill. I have been a part of two new webseries recently (as an actor) and have five new shows in development or pre-production, two of which I have written. I don't think that would have been possible if, a year ago next month, I had not launched this blog. I had no idea what I was doing or what I would write about but I knew that it would challenge me to define my own voice, give me a platform to explore ideas that were meaningful to me. And so birthed All Things T.

What have been my favorite posts? Probably ones you haven't read. 'The Perfect Man is a Vampire', 'Creativity', 'The Trade Off', 'It's a Bird, It's an Invisible Plane...' and probably my first post, which was untitled. I didn't know who was going to read them and I didn't really care (analytics aren't my forte), but what ultimately mattered was that I finally had a place to give my thoughts (and feelings) free reign and articulate them in a way that felt natural. I've found that I'm fairly personal, passionate and idealistic in the way I write and like to use 'asides' (as my Gemini brain often likes to comment on what I am thinking- it's like a Brecht play) and that format was never one that I could previously adhere to in college or even my early attempts at screenwriting. So it would always make me smile when someone would tell me how much they liked my writing style and how specific 'my voice' was; I'm just writing how I think! The feedback that I most treasure, however, is the occasional email or facebook post telling me that I have inspired someone. I hope that doesn't sound conceited (as I actually sat here for a few minutes figuring out what I should follow that sentence with, and that never happens), but I guess these comments make the countless hours that I put into a post worthwhile.

I am inspired daily by people, by a lot of you new media peeps who are reading this now. We are in the trenches are we not? Trying to climb up onto the other side where our content is valued and our risk is rewarded. We are redefining what it means to be a creative storyteller; master of our own destiny has a new meaning as we can control the idea all the way through to the distribution of it. We can also control our 'brand', how we are perceived and 'consumed' by our audience and our virtual communities, through our avatars, postings, blogs. Or at least we can try to. I may post a lot about my love of scifi and being a badass babe in training, but my real brand is 'my voice', the one that I have developed here on this blog, the one that has given me the courage to really go after the professional career that I can now envision, the journey of which I'd like for you to be able to join me on.

And so the voice has a wonderful new home. The uber talented principals at EQAL, Miles Beckett and Greg Goodfried, have been kind enough to host the new and improved All Things T site on their exciting new Umbrella platform. My new site will connect all the dots: All Things T blog posts, my Twitter and Facebook communities (soon YouTube), webseries and acting updates, videos, pictures, you name it! And the best part is that there is a forum where users can be a part of it all; each post I make will have a forum in which people can foster discussions, thus hopefully letting us each inspire each other (but be constructive as I am a lethal weapon). So this will be my last post here at Blogger. I'm a little nostalgic as I've been on such an amazing journey this past year, and I can see it reflected in what and how I wrote, but it's time to get off the interstate and make my own tracks. So thank you for reading and supporting my blog and I hope that my new home is one you will come over often to.

Be back soon....but at www.tarynoneill.com

All Things T

Thinking of Blue Skies...

2009-09-11T08:40:00.000-07:00

Today is a day of reflection for most. Where were you, how did you first hear, what were the first images you saw? I remember it vividly: the early telephone call, the assurance that my brother was OK, then the hours spent on a sofa in a western Canadian city far removed from the chaos, but still sharing the same glorious blue sky on a perfect yet perfectly devastating day.

It seems strange to access those memories, almost like an emotional recall acting exercise; I am really not a fan of 'going to those places' but it makes for a better performance. Okay, yes, now I'm remembering...but I'd rather not share. I'm sure you all have your own painful and confusing memories, and they are personal. One memory, however, I will share. It took place the next day. My parents were still away and I was sitting at my father's desk on his computer, watching the tiny Sony 13 inch TV he had resting on a small console by the window that framed the sky and an ocean view. I spent a lot of time in that office. It was dusk on the night of the 12th, and the CNN cameras were locked on the smoldering wreckage, the frame stationary; the shattered base of the towers bringing enough energy and movement to the screen that a pan or a zoom was unnecessary. I remember so clearly thinking, as the true horror of the spectacle was setting in, that things would never be the same. I couldn't fathom, for the life of me, how I could ever experience life through the same pair of eyes. I sat there, trying to make sense of that strong, complicated thought and I couldn't. I just knew it to be true.

Now I sit at a different desk in front of my own computer, with a different view of the same brilliant blue sky and a much bigger TV. Looking back, what are those things that I thought wouldn't be the same? No doubt our sense of security at home and abroad, politics, the economy, travel and obviously New York City itself. Those things have all played out. We now get to the airport 3 hours ahead of time and expect to see one of those Homeland Security leaflets in our rollie suitcase. We're conditioned to keep our eyes open for 'suspicious activity' as we are no longer oblivious to the hatred that exists towards this country and our way of life. We demand more transparency and accountability of our government, hold them to a higher standard if you will, and the new President is thankfully a shining example of such. We've weathered storm after storm of economic turmoil, the most recent shaking this and other countries to their core. Most significantly though, the effects of that devastating day shattered the shiny veneer that was our way of life. Because it really was just a veneer, a fancy piece of fake mahogany that was glued to a foundation of porous particle board. We had existed in a vacuum for too long, oblivious to the discontent; our shaky foundation had held up longer than it should have.

What about those other things though, the intangibles that I felt had already changed the moment the devastation began? Joy...Hope...Love...Grief. Were we relegated to feeling paler shades of grey instead of black because no personal experience could be as grievous as 9/11? And on the same hand, was it was inappropriate and perhaps impossible to ever feel incredible joy and happiness again? How could we have hope when the cards seemed stacked against us, and all it seemed that we could do was hope to survive? I struggled with emotions -what I naturally wanted to feel in a moment versus what I felt I should- because of how my brain would contextualize my own situation. I was lucky, blessed even. I had lost no one I knew but countless others had, so I had to honor their pain, and a country's. The ash seemed everywhere.

Today, that dusty grey remnant of the Towers, the Pentagon and flight 93 have been swept up by the wind and taken out to sea, or swept under the rug, depending on how you look at it. But regardless, we humans have proven to be quite the survivors. We adapted. We adapted to all the changes that took place around us, and though it seemed frustrating at first, we handled it and now accept our new reality, hopefully with a keener sense of understanding and perception. And as history has proven again and again, our hearts and souls have healed. Time dulls the pain, opens the door slowly to joy, until one day you feel whole again. Our capacity to feel love, to connect to others, to dream, is both mind boggling and awe inspiring to me. It so much more than neuro-receptors and the amygdala section of the brain.

In surviving, we had and still have the chance, even the responsibility to forge ahead. Don't you want to make something out of your life, leave a mark on society for the better, like right now? I know I do, and think I have finally found my unique path in which I can do so. I also, however, am reminded today how important it is to leave a mark on the people around you, the people that are your family and friends, and you can do that simply by sharing your love. It is our spiritual duty and our great gift. We have such capacity for love and such capacity for hatred. Let us chose the former. No man is an island.

I started out this post because I was going to link in the one year anniversary of a certain metamorphosis that took place a year ago tomorrow for me and all that has transpired since. It seems trivial now, in the context of today's memorial and the personal exploration I have done in writing this post. Perhaps I will write about it tomorrow as the past year has truly been life changing. But perhaps I wouldn't have been able to go through with that symbolic change if I hadn't had my eyes opened 8 years ago. Perhaps. So I sit here, thinking, grateful for what I have, focused yet idealistic on what is to come and reflective on what was.

Take the day to honor those lost and those that fight. And most importantly, honor your humanity and your capacity for love. It is a gift.

Be back soon,

All Things T

We Get By With A Little Help From Our Friends

2009-08-24T16:05:00.000-07:00

"I was sustained by one piece of inestimable good fortune. I had for a friend a man of immense and patient wisdom and a gentle but unyielding fortitude.

I think that if I was not destroyed at this time by the sense of hopelessness which these gigantic labors has awakened in me, it was largely because of the courage and patience of this man.

I did not give in because he would not let me give in."

Thomas Wolfe

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Good thing I don't have due dates on these blog posts because seriously, I never know what my next topic is going to be until it hits me (usually when there is some serious physical distance between myself and my computer or the shower makes it difficult to type a note on my iphone). And the idea is almost always the result of a random conversation that, in the moment, seemed, well, like any regular conversation but somehow the next day it morphs into a platform for thought. Not to dissuade you, fair reader, from hiring me as a writer (as you'll be giving me topics to mull over and muse on if you happen to be in a position to do so) but I don't want to waste anyone's time by reviewing District 9 or writing about my food journal. Wait I do that. Sorry. But I really only try to twitter out that posts that are either embarrassing or fun (usually involving pictures of stealthy bad ass babes.)

So back to my point. It is usually through that nifty interpersonal activity called talking that I get the light bulb moment that inspires me to write. This time it was when a friend bemoaned a number of bad business decisions that she had made at her last job. "If only I had had someone to tell me that I should have signed that actor. I didn't know! I was just sitting there trapped in my closet of an office doing things as best I could on my own." There are a lot of other things that she regretted that I won't repeat, and her office was definitely bigger and infinitely better decorated than a closet, but the root of the conversation kept pointing back towards one definitive thing, her lack of a mentor. She was at a fantastic company, at least it seemed like one if you waited in the post modern chic lobby sipping your Americano, but her office might as well have been in Siberia for all the inter-office support she received as a junior manager. The corporate culture supported competition and secrecy; co-workers clashed about projects and clients as if collaboration was a dirty word. And there was no effective farm system to train the young associates; they either made it off of a desk or they didn't. And once they were promoted, they either learned how to swim or they sank. (Cue 'Swimming with Sharks' clip) Oh, old Hollywood. How I don't miss you.

No one doubts the value of a mentor so why do so few of us have one these days? Musicians, writers, entrepreneurs, creatives in general throughout history have looked to an elder for guidance and inspiration. Even well known artists of this decade admit to being mentored: Oliver Stone was mentored by Marty Scorsese at NYU, poet Maya Angelou mentored Oprah Winfrey. But in looking at my peers and contemporaries (both in corporate and artistic fields), either in traditional Hollywood or New Media, I don't see it (and if you do, skip to the bottom and just leave a comment ;-p)

The word mentor was first used in the Odyssey when Odysseus left his son under the charge of Mentor whilst he partook on his epic journey (and then the proper noun turned into a verb, but that is for another post, not to be written by me) so it's been around for a while. Given, us modern day whiz kids have access to information and inspiration any moment we chose by clicking on our Safari browser (Odysseus' son nor the majority of famous mentor/protege pairs had the interwebs to learn from) but I see such value in having someone take a personal interest in your career. Believe it or not (and I know some of you out there don't think people do anything that is not in their own self interest), these mentors did it because they wanted to and someone probably did for them. "Every student deserves to be treated as a potential genius." Anton Ehrenzweig said it well.

Perhaps that is why Seth Godin or Tony Robbins are so popular because they offer up a wide brushstroke of guidance, through their seminars and books, that is lacking in the work force. It's not tailored to you specifically though. The life and executive coaching sectors are certainly expanding but that is still a business transaction; the coach is helping you because you pay them to. Why is it that people aren't simply helping each other out anymore? And during this time of economic crisis and change, the need for this, the need for a mentor, is even stronger. But there in lies the problem. What would our potential mentors be mentoring us on...if everything is changing.

So I pull focus back to my own industry and the specific landscape that I inhabit: that of content creation and the attempt to monetize it on the web.. There is a fantastic article in Wired about 'Socialism' and the intellectual collectivism that is elevating the internet to a cyberland where we, as a society, benefit from sites like Wikipedia, operating systems like Linux and 'free' restaurant recommendations (from all the people that took the time to write a review) on Yelp. I would like to think that our web community is an offshoot of that idea; that the creative members of our space are a supportive community that often work to simply to elevate the original web content landscape, or within the context of my mentorship topic, help someone out...just for the sake of helping.

But here's the thing. How can someone be my mentor in the digital space, how can they 'help me out', when we are both struggling to monetize our own content, create an active and interactive audience around our own shows and be abreast on all new technological developments that affect the space that we distribute via so we can make a successful living at this? Is there one digital company that has 'cracked the code' yet? Nope. Regardless of the VC that does or does not back us, we are all at the precipice of big change and all of us are guestimating the outcome. So, if we are technically competitors then how can we foster a mentor/ protege environment? By changing the vertical nature of that relationship and re-examining competition.

I have always believed that that the sum of this industry is much greater than the individual parts. Gennefer Snowfield wrote a great article for Tubefilter.tv on this topic called 'The Only Competition for Webseries is UnAwareness' where she posited that 'the underlying issue isn't competition (between series) but discoverability' thus content creators, especially those creating series within a similar genre, should band together and cross promote each other's shows, not consider each other competitors. Out of that article and subsequent twitter conversation spawned The Scifi Collective. Still waiting to hear what exactly that is, but between it and the soon to launch SciFinal site (where original scifi web content will have an awesome home) we're on the right path in joining our powers.

We also all got our starts in different sectors: entertainment, technology, law, etc but have landed in this upstart sector together because we see the opportunity to be a pioneer. Even if we can't foster a traditional mentoring relationship, like say Bob Evans had with his mentor Darryl Zanuck as Mr. Zanuck was the head of 20th Century Fox and Mr. Evans was a producer who aspired to such (ended up becoming the head of Paramount), we can each look to each other's strengths. The fact that we all didn't start in the UTA mailroom is a GOOD thing.

I have experienced nothing but support and kudos since stepping onto this quickly changing landscape. It's the first time that I didn't have to limit my identify to one field: I'm just an actor, I'm just a web producer or I'm just a writer. In the web community, I'm all of the above because I have to be. Being a multi-faceted creative is a fiscal necessity because of the budgets that we must deal with in this space, but in being such, we are setting ourselves up to reap the rewards when those budgets become bigger, when Madison Avenue has faith in the space or the web subscription model takes off (?). So what do we need to do to make certain this happens? BE BETTER. I need to be a better writer, a more knowledgeable producer, a more savvy salesman (I think my acting is pretty cool but you never know). I can learn from media blogs, conferences and articles as much as I can, but I can ultimately learn more from you. Would you be my mentor? I would be happy to be yours as well.

Be back soon.

All Things T

Meeting the Master

2009-08-12T10:45:00.000-07:00

Greetings non-alien friends! It's been a week since

I published my Operation B.A.B.E. post- I don't quite feel like an alien fighting, action hero yet, what with a lingering cold, achy knee and a stubborn scale, BUT I know I'm on the right track and am definitely focused (with the help of @rudy) so follow me on Tumblr if you're interested in tracking my attempts at transforming into a bonified Riplesque action star.

Now, on to a fun All Things T segment we'll call Storytime with T:

Check out this letter I just found on my computer!!

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Dear Joss,Well, first off…

Dear fabulous assistant to Joss, please allow this note to pass to him. It is brief, and besides me being an actor I am not crazy and I was an assistant at William Morris for a year and a half out of college so I know what you deal with and that you can just choose to not throw this away and put it in his inbox. Please? I appreciate it.

Ok- Dear Joss,I’m already running out of room…This little letter has been a long time coming…my agents and managers always dissuade me from doing any personal letter

writing- they think it is intrusive and desperate- but this is important:
You need to meet me because I could be your Diana Prince.
It happens that I am a huge fan of yours- yes, a Buffy devotee- but for the past year I have been surrounded by the same phrase upon people meeting me- ‘Wow- you should be the next Wonder Woman…’ I hear it all the time from casting directors to a person on the street. What does that mean? That I just really look like a young Linda Carter or do I possess that certain WW presence? Well I know that I’m supposed to play a strong, mythic character in my life and I know that I need to tell big, high stakes stories in my work so I think it’s both. I know my agent in Vancouver and other contacts here in LA say they are keen to put me on someone’s radar if unknowns are considered but what’s the chance of that? Plus, only I can relay to you the passion

that I have for acting and storytelling and

how the universe just keeps pushing me to contact you. I don’t know what happens next, but I promise you that our paths should somehow cross. Thank you so much for reading my little note.

Sincerely, Taryn O’Neill (contacttaryn@gmail.com)

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Yup, seriously! I wrote and sent this letter to Joss Whedon in the summer of 2007 after I learned he was writing the new Wonder Woman movie. I honestly believed that I was going to find a way to get myself in front of him. I rented all the old Wonder Woman episodes and even wrote a short script based off of the more dramatic episodes (I just found that document too but it's not registered so no you can't read it). But sadly Joss dropped off the project a few months later, and no, I never heard anything from him (I enclosed a postcard headshot along with the letter). But I really did send the letter, and I had completely forgotten about it until last night.

Cut to Comic Con last month:

I met him! I met Joss Whedon! And he couldn’t have been more un-enthused. Given, I had a little bit of liquid courage in me, via a few sake helpings that I had had during my lunch at the Hard Rock, but upon spotting him and Eliza (Dushku) in the lobby, I just knew that I had to introduce myself; I mean 'After Judgment' had been up against ‘Dr. Horrible’ for a Streamy, so I had the right. Hmmm, maybe I was actually intoxicated, and not just feeling warm and fuzzy, as Joss looked at me as if I were speaking German. I know I told him my name, what show I worked on, that I was upset at not meeting him at the Streamy’s thus wanting to introduce myself, and that I was a huge Buffy fan (and after a few seconds said Dollhouse too). Joss smiled, said 'thank you', there was an ackward beat and then I professed how nice it had been meeting him and turned on my heels and spead towards the bathroom.

Oy! I actually think I’m upping the drama a teensy bit in the re-telling of my encounter as it couldn't have been as uncomfortable as I made it out to be, but then again, a few hours later, I met someone who thought that Joss would have been very chatty with me, as apparently I’m his type. Apparently not that day! Ugh.

But something else this other person said colored my experience in a unique way. He said that Joss’ script for Wonder Woman had sucked. I'm sorry WHAT!?! He said that it was just a rehashing of Buffy characters and read like a Buffy episode. Hmmm, Joss, someone who I dare say I idolize, wrote a bad script? (*this is of course one person's opinion*) He couldn’t crack the Wonder Woman riddle of how to re-interpret the comic material to make it worthy of a big screen adaptation without seeming dated and hokey? Maybe he’s not perfect after all.

And maybe he was a little intimidated by this feisty, slightly inebriated brunette in Wonder Womanesque boots who grabbed his arm, yammered feverishly and then left. Maybe he is as overwhelmed by the main convention floor and the thousands of comics, of fantastical stories and mythologies that already exist, wondering why do I even bother, there are so many talented writer/creators out there already, as I was. Maybe.

So I'm not going to put Joss onto that pedestal anymore; well maybe not one so high. He was indeed the one who created a TV show that I lived and breathed, Buffy. He created a tangible world that revolved around a strong, conflicted and unique female character that I deeply connected with. It was almost as though it was through this show (and Alias) that I could come to terms with the fact that I never quite felt normal as a girl- didn't have the same impulses and desires of other people of my gender to settle down, have kids, lead a normal life. There was nothing normal about Buffy Summers (or Sydney Bristow), either who they were or what they did...and they were fierce (hence the Operation BABE). The character and the show woke me up and may be one of the reasons that I write today. But as for Joss, I don't know what moves him, drives him to write. But I know he reads WIRED for inspiration, exactly like I do. So instead of dwelling in the doldrums about my lackluster first date with Joss, I rallied the way I always do, I get to work, something I always do when feeling frustrated or overwhelmed. I will work with Joss one day, I have no doubt, but it will be a collaboration in some fashion. I believe that I too can create fantastical, thought provoking, moving worlds that people want to visit. Because what my meeting with Joss and The Con gave me, besides aching feet and a perma-grin, was a reminder that we all start out on the same playing field, we all start out as fans.

OPERATION B.A.B.E.

2009-08-05T19:28:00.000-07:00

I think this is why I love Twitter...it doesn't let me get away with anything. Namely my Gemini tendencies of coming up with a great idea and then losing interest in it a month, a week or even a day later, especially if I'm working on it solo. But with Twitter, I have a team! I put it out there and the twitterverse gets hold of it, creates momentum, takes it to a new level and then keeps me accountable for the follow through. Yikes! But also, very cool. We ARE champions of our own destiny but that doesn't mean anything if we don't act on our dreams.

So let's get to the point- Operation B.A.B.E.

B(adass) A(lien) B(ody) E(ndeavor)

Here's my tweet:

Yup, that's right. I'm going to pretend (ie. act, which is what I'm trained and experienced in doing anyway) that I am up for the lead role in the upcoming Ridley Scott directed prequel to 'Alien', where to do the role of Ripley justice (or whatever form that role is re-written into), I will have to be a lean, mean alien fighting machine. With cleavage (let's be honest). So I have decided to document/journal/blog about my training, my periodic results, articles and tips that I find to help the process along, and most importantly my personal and professional discoveries.

But first, before I go (to the gym no doubt), what was the genesis of this Tweet you ask and what were the responses that lead me to take this single thought and turn it into an Operation? Well I was coming back from the gym, bemoaning the strict diet and exercise regime that I was just starting to shed the excess pounds that I have put on as of late (due to vacation, writing for long hours, Comic Con and a few episodes of day drinking with my girls and evening out with my hubby) when I read a tweet from @Whedonesque. It basically said that Eliza Dushku was MTV.com's first choice to play a young Ripley in the recently announced 'Alien Prequel'. Umm, why should Eliza get to play such a kickass role? Just because she is hot, ripped and can kick some ass? Well hell yes! She may not hold a candle to Signourney Weaver in the acting category (sorry Eliza fans, but maybe after she has more meaty roles under her belt and some theatre?, but maybe not even then) but do you know what? She already looks the part, she walks the part...and that my friends, is half the battle. So I took a moment and then tweeted the above. Because when it comes down to it, Ripley is the type of character that I want to play as an actress. It's why I got into this messy business to begin with: I know I look like a normal gal, but underneath it all, I feel anything but normal: I feel like a misunderstood badass. I started martial arts training years ago because I connected with 'Buffy', I pulled every string to audition for 'Alias'. And as many of you know, I believe I am secretly an Amazon and actually started writing because I attempted to write a Wonder Woman short that would get me an audition with Joss (but that's another story). In a nutshell, I want to play kick ass, life or death defying characters...so I better be able to look like one.

The response I got from friends and strangers alike was no less than awesome.

My favorite?:

If this doesn't get you motivated then what the hell does?! Plus, more importantly, I had tweets from people who said that I had motivated them to kick it up a notch themselves and aim for something big as well. Hell yeah!

So I'm going to be disciplined. I'm going to be fierce. And do it on my own- at this point anyway- without the help of food delivery service or a trainer. Because I have a mortgage and bills (but I would be happy to shoot another national commercial or sell one of my webseries- by all means). And I'm going to keep track of it over at my brand new Tumblr blog:

OPERATION BABE

So, see you on the other side...guns blazing!

And kick some ass people.

All Things T

James Cameron, Would You Like to Date My Avatar?

2009-07-30T11:46:00.000-07:00

San Diego, CA

July 23rd, 2009

Convention Center

Int. Hall H

(Zoe Saldana has just introduced Felicia Day to James Cameron...)

“Hello Codex, a pleasure to meet a fan as always, and aren’t you a sprightly thing.”

“Well actually my real name is Felicia but hello King of the World, I mean Mr. Cameron. It’s an honor meeting you. Your 'Avatar' clip was quite the visceral experience.”

“Wasn’t it? Didn’t you feel completely immersed in the world of Pandorum and the Na’vi?”

“Yup, totally felt like I was right there, fluorescent plants and 10 ft. tall blue avatars and all.”

“Excellent! Plus, I’m also trying to make a meaningful film about respecting our planet.”

“Wow, really? Cool. Have you seen 'The Guild'?”

“The what? Oh is that your web show? (Felicia nods) Well no, I’m sorry but have been a little immersed in making the next earth shattering film that exceeds 'Titanic' in both emotional resonance and aesthetic achievement.”

“Wow that’s big...my cast and I just want to defeat Kael’Thas, he’s a frakking tough mob boss. And we also want to entertain our amazing fans. We made a music video about Dating our Avatar- did you hear about it? Really awesome, one of the Whedon brothers directed it and Sandeep got to rap.”

“Well that sounds lovely, look forward to checking that out one day. Maybe you’ll get a panel here next year."

“Oh we did, it was sold out.”

“Really? Well mine too of course. But great to hear and good luck to you and your show”.

“Yup, you too JC, Look forward to wearing some nifty 3-D glasses when you premiere in Dec.

By the way I think Zoe would make a great Wonder Woman..."

(Not that James Cameron has anything to do with Wonder Woman, that's Joel Silver)

Fade to Black.

Obviously this is nothing like what a meeting between James Cameron and Felicia Day would be like (or what it would look like in Final Draft). And I apologize if my description of either the Avatar screening or the WoW jargon (and Felicia’s use of ‘frakking’) was off as I a) couldn’t get into Hall H during the Con thus did not see the 'Avatar' footage and b) am not a WoW player (and googled WoW highest level and found that there are no levels?) so I used creative research to add a tinge of semi-authentic detail to the exchange. But why the fictitious exchange at all? Because it illustrates an epiphany that I had upon leaving The Con. I suddenly realized that Hollywood’s sparkling gem, their biggest spectacle teased during the convention, the future of entertainment itself, the 3-D movie, is just trying to do what 'The Guild' already does: make the audience feel like they are a part of the show.

It’s crazy when you think about it? Really good web content is such because it is interactive. 3-D movies are special because they take you out of the two dimension viewing experience and bring you into the aesthetic world of the story. Both mediums are aspiring to the same thing-to create a heightened emotional experience, thus bond, with the narrative and characters…but only one is authentic. Both are immersive, one is interactive.

What does interactive really mean? It’s such a buzz word amongst web producers as creating an immersive and permeable world around your show is the holy grail (and apparently something that is monetizable). Finding a clear, non-contested definition of the word is actually a little difficult but I like the following definitions:

-Interactional: capable of acting on or influencing each other
-Any type of media that allows the user to influence and react to it.

Another definition that isn’t pertaining to media but nonetheless has an interesting implication is this:

-Synergistic: used especially of drugs or muscles that work together so the total effect is greater than the sum of the two (or more).

Greater than the sum of the two. Isn't 'The Guild' reflective of that thought? Two Seasons of episodes + Fans doesn't simply yield the intense success that has befallen the show. Something else happened here (above and beyond favorable YouTube placement and ICM), something I can only attribute to the initial fan involvement in Season 1; the fans became veritable, vested producers. As most of you know, fan donations allowed for Season 1 production to continue; the show would have ceased production if it were not for the well clicked PayPal button. Yes, the niche fan base was already there because of the WoW tie in and Felicia’s name, but it was a good show, something not embraced by the mainstream Hollywood machine (as it originally a TV pilot) and they supported not only with their comments but with their credit cards. And Felicia and her team acknowledged these donors (both on the site and by thank you notes apparently) and thus valued them . This initial infusement of money allowed the show to continue, then flourish and finally find the wide and fervent fan base it now has. Look where the show is at- deals with Xbox/ Microsoft (which means Yahoo now too?), sold out panels and signings at Comic Con, Wil Wheaton now a cast member of the 3rd season. All because Felicia, Kim Evey and Sean Becker made a great show that fans found they could actually be an integral part of. They could comment, converse and even contribute. (The pic above can be found at this fan's blog)

Which brings us back to the 3-D spectacles of Hollywood. Competition for your entertainment dollar is at it’s peak, with the recession hitting everyone’s pocketbook and myriad narrative products vying for your attention. Plus our ability to accept visual spectacle is evolving exponentially. Our brains have adapted to processing special effects/CGI so we aren't particularly wow'ed when we see Los Angeles being destroyed by a massive earthquake due to the 2012 Mayan End Date or the Eiffel Tower crumpling to the ground because of some weird green energy lasso. But when we first saw dinosaurs in 'Jurassic Park', didn’t your jaw drop? Mine did, and my heart soared with the experience. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Now I take it for granted. The 3-D jump aspires to put the audience back into that place of awe, where movie going is special and moving and new. 'Coraline' and 'Up' had that effect on me. But the effect will soon fade.

Wanting to connect with other fans, and with the creative product itself will not fade, however. That’s what makes Comic Con such a viable platform for Hollywood to premiere its new products on. The fans are clamouring to have an interactive piece of the movies, stars and directors that they are fans of. Comic Con is really the only chance where die hard fans will be guaranteed geographic access to their heroes, maybe even have the opportunity to engage in a quick question and answer session with. If that fan/ Hollywood star/ filmmaker interactive experience is authentic and exciting, then thousands of fans at the panel will spread the seeds and viral word of mouth takes off. But that’s where the interaction ends. Instant gratification for the fan, but short lived.

So this is our chance. This is our chance as web content creators and pioneers of the digital entertainment space to embrace the opportunity of creating stories and worlds where fans are a valued and viable component. Let's step away from producing TV lite and move towards creating the best narrative experiences that we can possibly film, and then acknowledge that that is only one part of the equation.

Be back soon,

All Things T

What's in a name...

2009-07-12T22:01:00.000-07:00

My brain feels like a newborn solar system. I have so much flying around on different orbits and trajectories: planets, moons, sightings of an occasional gamma ray blast from afar, a solar flare and a few asteroids keeping things interesting (and dangerous) all circling the center point that is my sun. And as often happens, at least in sci fi, a comet just hit an asteroid and caused it to change course. I was going to explore my two competing interpretations of ABC (Glengarry Glen Ross reference for those of you non-Mamet peeps) stemming from a chaotic week of brain churning panels at NATPE, an unexpected (and ill-fated) audition and an important week of writing- but hold that discussion. I'm watching a battle. No, not the battle to save the earth from the Asteroid (!) but a battle between David and Goliath, the man and the machine, the indie innovator and big media. To Syfy or not to Syfy...that is the question.

A lot of discourse has flooded my twitter timelines over the past few months about the name change from Sci Fi Channel to Syfy, a transition that occurred this past Tuesday. Did it really bother me at all or give me pause during the day to reflect on it (except the ill-fated timing of the roll over being on the same day as Michael Jackson's funeral)? Nope- I am a Sci Fi Channel fan but I'm really busy trying to create my own sci fi content, so if the icon on the bottom of my screen is a bit different, I'm not going to pay much attention to it. But discussions have continued to pop up revealing that many people feel very strongly about the name change. Why? Well from some posts it looks like it is basically being taken as a 'diss' by the authentic science fiction fans. That changing the name of the channel to a word that sounds the same but looks different is straddling both sides of the fence; the channel wants to retain it's hard core sci fi fans but not be off putting to potential viewers who might shy away from such associations. Maybe it is a diss but the reasons behind, it in my humble opinion, are valid, at least from a commerce point of view. NBC/Universal, the behemoth that owns the channel, wants to be able to control the copyright to the name. When someone Googles a 'Sci Fi show', unlike a TNT show or a TBS show, the genre, not just the channel results are posted. NBC/Universal also wants to be able to own the name for purposes of branding and merchandizing. Though the idea of someone buying a Syfy t-shirt who is not a sci fi fan is befuddling, what I think this issue gives rise to, on the eve of our most hallowed of events (Comic Con), is the disenchantment and disenfranchisement of the science fiction fan. We don't have a home of our own- no planet to speak of that is just ours.

The Science Fiction Channel (later changed to it's abbreviation) was birthed as an offshoot of the USA Network when it was owned by both Paramount and Universal. Both studios had libraries of science fiction content that found a natural home on the new channel and apparently Issac Asimov was even on the board. Original scripted content on cable channels didn't exist. And check out the wikipedia entry. Do you see how many times the ownership of the channel or its parent company changed? I'm suprised that the channel lived to see today. It did continue to be a natural home for network or premium cable genre shows in their second run. Then original content started popping up and Sci Fi had first run programming though low cost productions- like 'The Invisible Man' and 'The Outer Limits'- which were produced outside 'the circle' of Los Angeles. But primarily, Sci Fi Channel was a syndication landing strip for sci fi/ fantasy/ horror series and movies that had been deficit financed by other networks so needed to recoup their costs and ultimately hope to make a profit. For us fans of sci fi, it just meant that we knew to click on the channel if we were looking for something sci fi to watch on Saturday at 3pm or 1am on a Sunday as it is now.

But then the channel was forced to grow as the TV model changed. The syndication model was no longer effective in bringing viewers, thus advertising dollars, to a stand alone cable channel. The DVD release of TV series, one not regulated in its rollout 'window' like feature films, made watching 2nd run programming practically obsolete as the content was now available, on demand, in the palm of your hand (in the form of a DVD). Channels had to create original, unique programming to catch the attention of audiences so that the channel would become a destination. A great example of that in recent years is AMC. Would you ever think to click to that channel and see what was on if it had not been for 'Mad Men'? My image of that channel was akin to that of Turner Movie Classics, old movies, in black and white, probably introduced by some old TV star. But now, because of Matthew Weiner's brilliant show, I am hyper aware of the channel and will take notice of its schedule. So, original programming became the mandate. Over a matter of the past ten years this has become the norm, over the past five years, the fare has become top notch, edgy comedy and dramas started butting heads with the likes of the 'West Wing' at the Emmys. Do you remember when you were shocked as opposed to complacent about your cable programming being as good or better than network fare? USA Today reports today that network numbers are down double digits this summer because of strong cable fare. This doesn't surprise me as shows like 'Burn Notice', 'Royal Pains', 'True Blood' and 'Nurse Jackie' are at the top of my TiVo list.

Cable has competed effectively with the networks in scripted comedy and drama fare. But how do you compete when your product is sci fi? You don't, you can't, it's too expensive to produce unless you have the support of massive ad campaign or two. And come to think of it, you aren't even competing against sci fi original fare on network TV, as it rarely survives, you are competing against movies, often hundred million dollar ones. Most great science fiction will forever stay within the pages of a book or comic as the resources are just not there to support the transference of it into a live action filmed product. So we settle for hybrids. Tried and true story and characters arcs that are set in a semi sci-fi setting, dusted with fairy dust. That way this product can someone appeal to the masses even if they have no idea who Neil Gaiman is or what the Singularity refers to.

So what does this mean for the newly rebranded Syfy channel. Apparently the image one conjures when hearing the word Sci Fi is that of a geeky, overweight fan boy who resides in his parents basement playing WoW, with no steady income. Really still? Didn't anyone read my evolution of geek post? But apparently that stereotype is still alive and well. And Syfy didn't want to be solely identified with that specific audience, even as its numbers were growing, for fear (I'm assuming) of alienating potential brand sponsors. Plus, much of their viewership growth can be attributed to the popularity of their non sci fi programming, such as 'Ghost Hunters', 'Wrestling' and 'Scare Tactics'. They also have a growing mainstream audience base (including females) that responds to it's quirkier scifi comedy fare, that of 'Eureka' (I'm a fan), it's new sister show Warehouse 13 (I'm a potential fan if they expand upon the history/ mythology of the artifacts on the website and reduce the quirk factor) and its scifi fantasy lite movies. I know they are trying to umbrella this array of content under an 'Imagine Greater' motto but it's making the mistake of trying to convince the real sci fi fans that the channel is still for them. It's not, it's kinda, maybe, partially for them, sometimes.

So, what about the real sci fi fare, the mind tingling fiction that pulls us into worlds more fantastical than our own? BSG legitimized Sci Fi for a long time. It was their network competition heavy weight show (that better frakking win an Emmy this year). But now it's over and I can only imagine how nervous the network is about the 'Caprica' and 'Stargate: Universe' launch. Mass consumption, at the levels needed by corporate America, of serialized science fiction (save for the anomaly semi sci fi 'Lost') has proven to be difficult. Why didn't Syfy pick up 'Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles'. I assume because it was simply too expensive. Look at where most of their original shows are shot? Canada. Because the production costs are cheaper and the talent is as well. Even star names make significantly less under the SAG cable contract, ask the cast of 'Mad Men' and 'Damages'; I doubt Lena Hedley would be keen to relocate to Vancouver and take a big pay cut to keep the TSCC franchise alive. The mini-series 'Tin Man' was brought up in a discussion tonight as a highlight of SciFi's original content achievement. I have to say I never watched it, mostly because I'm actually not a fan of Zooey Deschanel, but also because when I read the script in preparation for the character I had an audition for, my take on the part, as with my read on most of the script, was intense but over the top. I actually got reprimanded by the casting director for my performance. Ironically the clip I saw of Kathleen Robertson playing the role was spot on to my audition- so go figure. And in just reviewing the show online, I believe that Sci Fi's creative team didn't know what story they really wanted to tell, thus, in a small way, 'Tin Man' parallels the evolution of Sci Fi into Syfy: it's a decent idea on paper- creating an edgy, new interpretation of a classic tale ('there's no place like home'), while appealing to broad non sci fi fan base. The result just didn't fully connect with either. Thus Syfy's name did catch up with its programming- it reflects an identity crisis.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel, however. Syfy has a strong online presence and web platform. The ancillary Syfy websites like Scifi Wire (sci fi news) and Dvice (tech) add authenticity to the sci fi portion of the brand and Syfy.com's new MMO game is ground breaking for a channel. The SVP, GM of Syfy's digital arm has a history rich in science fiction in the digital space. Craig Engler, someone I do follow on Twitter, founded Science Fiction Weekly, the first sci fi internet magazine (that was ultimately purchased by SciFi.com) and worked extensively with NBC/Universal on Sci Fi's cross platform digital programming, including the BSG webisode series 'Face of the Enemy' (which *sigh* beat 'After Judgment' for the Streamy). Craig is doing a noble job of connecting with viewers through Twitter during the channel re-branding period, being accessible, answering questions and spreading news, even if it is along the party line. From his previous experience and recent achievements I think he has the goods to help shape the future of Syfy via the online community. But because the programming on Syfy is not going to change unless 'Caprica's' numbers beat 'Ghost Hunters' and Wrestling- consistently -no matter how vocal authentic sci fi fans are to bring 'Firefly' to the channel, it's an uphill battle.

What's the solution? I have an idea. Let's relaunch SciFi.com. When you click on the site now it autodirects you to Syfy.com (this is expected of course). Why not re-establish it as a separate site that is rich with JUST sci fi content, thus providing a strong online community platform and destination site for sci fi fans. You can watch old episodes of 'Firefly' AND watch original sci fi content, that which is already being produced for the web. I just happen to know of a lot of really great made for web content in the sci fi genre. How great to have a destination where you can watch 'After Judgment', 'The Crew', 'Galacticast', 'Afterworld', and even the premiere of 'Artemis Eternal' on one portal solely geared towards the sci fi fan. For once, we can mobilize and show our strength as a viable, brand consuming community to the sponsors while supporting independent, sci fi content.

The Sci Fi Channel was never really ours to begin with people- we've been holding on to the name as much as we held on to BSG. We didn't want it to end, but it is time. Much like the 13 colonies survivors, we don't have a home, at least on TV...but we do have the Internet, a vast domain that we all have strong, creative influence over. We just have to mobilize... and maybe Syfy.com can lend a hand.

So say we all?

Be back soon.

All Things T

A Life Worth Living

2009-06-20T14:42:00.000-07:00

It's my birthday tomorrow. This morning I found myself overwhelmed and moved to tears. No, not because I'm getting older. I actually couldn't give a rats ass about that, except for the whole biological clock thing, and that my frown lines may benefit from a touch of Botox. But regardless, I believe that if I don't care about getting older, nobody else should care. I guess that's a pretty novel idea considering I work in Hollywood. Plus I honestly feel like I'm 25, fresh out of college with the world awaiting my thumbprint. No, I didn't cry about my birthday. I watched the You Tube video of the young woman bleeding out, to her death, on the streets of Tehran. It was one of the most moving, ethereal, horrific things I have ever scene. Even though there were people screaming around her, shouting, "NO! Why?!" it was an oddly silent experience. She just lay there, looking at the camera with a sad, peaceful expression, her spirit leaving her body as rivers of blood streamed out her nose and ears. At first it didn't affect me. More like I was watching a war movie filmed indie style with no steadicam; we are so conditioned now to view graphic, horrible things with a sense of detachment. But a few minutes later, it seeped into my consciousness and I understood what I had witnessed. That's when the tears came. I couldn't figure out what to do or what to say. I just wanted to reach out and share what I had witnessed, but I didn't WANT to share it. I didn't want to link to the video as I just found it just too opportunistic to share. God forbid someone ReTweet me. And furthermore, how do I properly articulate in 140 characters how the video really made me feel, yet at the same time acknowledge that my experience from it in the grand scheme of things means absolutely nothing- as I sit in my swivel chair in front of my almost new MacBook Pro. Or does it.

A visiting friend last night talked about a conversation she had with her old boss, how she had been passionate about developing a serious film about the Middle East. Her boss apparently shook his head and said, to loosely paraphrase, that those stories were too depressing and that no one would want to see it. That memory made me think about our role here in Los Angeles, here in the entertainment capital of the world (though I think India has the money now). If Art is supposed to imitate Life, how do these momentous events affect our storytelling? The beauty of this country is that it is up to you. You can make a war movie based on a real life story, a metaphorical, scifi movie ripe with current themes, set in a dystopic future. You can make a heartfelt, quirky movie that celebrates the complexity of love, family and life ('Away We Go' sounds much like that and 'UP' was certainly effective in illuminating those themes as well). And you can just make pure entertainment, something that relieves the burden of real world trouble in a two hour time out. Regardless, you storytellers and non-storytellers alike, let it AFFECT you. Let it make you think and feel. Capture this moment where people are dying for their freedoms in moments of clarity. Do not turn your back or think that it is beyond your control. Your mere awareness will change the paradigm. And for you storytellers, take up the torch and let this changing, troubled world color your creations, augment the way your publish and share your art, as this conflict once again showcases the powerful tool that is the internet and Twitter.

For myself, I give myself the birthday present of free speech. Speech free of fear of what the other person will think, of what the ramifications will be if I believe that it should be said. Not that I won't think before I speak, the contrary would be indulgent and potentially hurtful, but I would like to embrace the gifts and freedoms that my North American upbringing has afforded me. Power and prayers to those, however, who protest in silence. May they find their way out of the dark and discover the peace and change they seek.

All Things T

The Trade-Off

2009-06-05T10:56:00.001-07:00

I came up with a pretty nifty catch-phrase this morning: Hollywood is Hell's Greenroom...with really good snacks. I don't know, do you like it? Do you get it? If you don't know what a greenroom is, google it please. It's rarely green, but it always has snacks.

The observation stemmed from reading Josh Friedman's blogpost about his nerve wracking and random spurts of yelling/nausea inducing experience of waiting to see if his TV show, 'Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles' was cancelled (which it was). I follow Josh on twitter (and saw him on a panel at Comic Con) so am cognizant of his special brand of self-depreciating humor, but the post really got to me. Here's a talented writer (and creator of a terrific scifi show) being reduced to shreds by the process of his show getting cancelled. It almost wasn't because his show GOT cancelled, but the de-humanizing way in which it was. The Hollywood Way.

Then there was part of an email exchange this morning that I had from a friend who is a multi-hyphenate creative (like me) who has a deal for his series at a major studio (unlike me). He was responding to my question of how things were going and, in a very positive tone, said it was ridiculously challenging. That now that he was beholden to the studio (and their money), all he and his partner were doing were re-writes, pass after pass. This frustrates me as I read his scripts, saw the spec-pilot, all amazing! The first 5 episodes should be shot already, not being re-written for the twelfth time. But what choice does he and his partner have? I know them, they don't want to be couped up in an office, they want to be shooting...but they are now at the mercy of the force that is corporate Hollywood, and it's grip is deadlier than Spock's.

This is what we dream of though, no? For our work to be recognized by the power's that be, those able to pay us large sums of money to relay our creative vision to the masses? We dream of bungalow offices and reserved parking spaces on the lot, of a tentative production start date in fall 2009. What we don't dream of is the reality. That reality is too dark and complex to relay in my post (especially as I'm trying to keep it short this time) so if you want the reality of Hollywood, watch 'Swimming with Sharks', read The Mailroom, Easy Riders Raging Bulls, The Kid Stays in the Picture, Bernie Brillstein's book, even (actually definitely) Valley of the Dolls...but I always think of Marilyn Monroe (or was it another actress as I can't find the source) who said it best: the dream of being famous was so much better than the reality. And that's not even taking into account when your star is falling.

Are you the master of your dreams only until the studio buys them?

I was lucky enough to be able to give John August, yes John friggin' August, notes on his recently published short story called 'The Variant'. Eleven of us basically won a twitter reply contest to read and comment on the short. After a few of us had already commented in detail within the hour, John posted that our notes were better and more quickly delivered than 90% of development execs. You may be saying, 'oh, how cool, congrats!', but it didn't surprise me. Why? Because I know development execs. Contrary to some people's beliefs they generally aren't bad or untalented people (usually quite the opposite), but the passion they had for movies and storytelling has long since dried up because of the pressures of corporate Hollywood. The easiest thing for them to say is 'No' (but after making sure no one else can say 'yes'). Why? Because they have bosses to answer to, who in turn have studio heads to answer to, who answer to Chairmans who answer to the Boards of Corporations...all who have (very) angry shareholders. It's all about the almighty dollar, deciding what makes that dollar flow in tomorrow and not spending it today. Nothing personal Josh, but if you're not making Fox's advertising partners excited about buying ad time on the network because your numbers are low, regardless of how rabid and passionate your existing fan base actually is (because there's no way to quantify the quality of viewership just the quantity, how wonderful), Fox is going to can you. It's all about money. That's why William Morris and Endeavor can send letters out to competing agencies to cease and desist from trying to hire their agents even though most of them are getting laid off anyway, it's all about money (actually not really a good example but I think it's disgusting that they did that and representative of how ignoble Hollywood can be).

So if it's all about money and the Hollywood machine is cracked and broken (though even in it's best state it had faulty parts), leaking out all the creative and passionate fuel it once had, letting quality projects and creatives get their spirit squashed once the studio and or the network control their destiny, what about John's new short? What happened with 'The Variant?' It rose to the top tiers of paid downloads for Kindle on Amazon. Not only did John derive creative help from the collective on twitter but promoted it through his followers. Did they get paid- nope- just felt part of the process. And that's what's beautiful about this growing creative community that is strengthening online- the collective spirit. I have never felt more honest, sincere desire to help a fellow creator than in this space. In Hollywood, never, ever did I ever feel that it was anything other than a competition, and if someone did help you, you knew you owed them. Read this article in Wired- seriously. It articulated a lot of what I have been feeling.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not positing that an online magic potion exists that will get 'Sarah Connor' resurrected and reverse Josh's experience of being terminated (yes I had to say it), or one that halts the unnecessary re-writes that my friend is toiling through. At this point, the studios still control the keys to producing and distributing large scale entertainment products. I just am trying to show that good content can be cultivated, supported and ultimately be made to thrive through a collaborative and supportive community that happens to exist online. "The Variant" should be the first marker for the road that we all need to go down. Because the big Hollywood machine is ultimately going to come tumbling down, either when Fox falls because its new blockbuster has been illegally downloaded for the umpteenth time or the government has had to rescue General Electric from bankruptcy so NBC shuts down. Let's all please think of a way to merge the current resources of Hollywood with the spirit of the online creative community. Because when the masses are seeing a show that I created, I want the reality to be as good as the dream, even if I have to share a parking spot.

Be back soon...All Things T

Renovating Geekville: Part 2

2009-05-26T11:09:00.000-07:00

I'm assuming that you were around for last week's post? Of course you were and thus have been waiting patiently for the continuation of my epic voyage into the land of Geek. What does it means to be a geek, who can honestly call themselves one, and were celebrities wrongly included in a video that celebrated geek culture?

Lights are flickering, cash bar is closing

Part 2 begins:

Did you know that the original meaning of geek, according to wordnet.princeton.net, is a carnival performer who performs disgusting acts? Not only is a geek a carny but he/she does something utterly grotesque (apparently it was in reference to a performer biting off the head of a live chicken- in all seriousness). The Germanic root of the word geek is geke (foolish) and the Dutch root is gek (crazy). What an auspicious start. I connect with this next definition a tiny bit more: a person who is single minded or accomplished in scientific or technical pursuits, but is felt to be socially inept. That definition is pretty inter-changeable with the one for nerd, except that nerd covers all different academic fields and has an even more pejorative tone to it. But the most significant definition that I keep finding is more of a reference point than a definition: See 'computer geek'. That instruction often manifests in my geek Google searches. And to compound this observation, if you type in computer geek in a Google search field, geeks.com comes up. What is this site? It's an online computer store. And the cartoon logo of 'the geek' is highly stereotypical: glasses, messy red hair, big nose, beady eyes. Geeks and computer geeks are more often than not interchangeable...at least on Google. I wonder why that is? (#sarcasm).

This parallel sheds some light on the celebrity Geek backlash. Is being an authentic geek contingent on an affiliation with computing? And I'm not talking about owning a MacBook Pro and having a Twitter account, I'm referring to serious programming skills. So how much is needed? If this quiz that I found really does establish who is and is not a geek, then I better travel back in time and yell at my Comp Sci teacher. No celebrity, save Bill Gates could call himself a real geek (he's known as the alpha geek actually), nor could, I'm assuming, 90% of the people showcased on the I Am A Geek video. But I know that this must be an outdated definition as the very purpose of this post is to address the evolution of the term geek, thus I rejoiced when I landed on this great passage from Julie Smith:

"He was the very personification of a 'geek', a bright young man turned inward, poorly socialized, who felt so little kinship with his own planet that he routinely traveled to the ones invented by his favorite authors, who thought of that secret, dreamy place his computer took him to as cyberspace -- somewhere exciting, a place more real than his own life, a land he could conquer, not a drab teenager's room in his parents' house."

Sigh. Eyes almost welling with nostalgic tears. In my reality, I used books and my imagination to escape to non-Earth planets as a youngster, but the image above still hits home. Here is someone who would hard wire his brain to his computer's mainframe had he the chance and escape into world of limitless possibilities, built on 1's and 0's. I think this passage sums it up perfectly: geeks turn to technology for escape from the regular world.

This passage illuminates three important points about geeks: an affinity for technology, a need for escapism and an inception at youth. How does escapism go hand in hand with an obsession with computers, you ask? Why the escapism? Let me ask you a question first...if you do consider yourself a geek: Were you popular in school? Don't give me the, "yes I had lots of friends in band and one really close buddy that lent me his dad's Playboys and who I went to see 'Return of the Jedi' with". We're you popular? Were you part of 'that crowd' that ruled the school and was filled with stereotypes from a John Hughes movie? If you consider yourself a geek and were popular, I really want to know so I can put you in a room and study you.

Throughout school, I resided on the fringes of popularity. I was a cute girl and was friends with one of the popular girls, probably because I lived in a nice house, but did I feel liked and more importantly understood by my popular peers? No...Definitely not. When I was a younger, even as a teen, I felt horribly different and alone. Having panic attacks about the sun going supernova on the Earth and trying to understand the probability of random accidents befalling me and my family were common occurrences by age nine (not that my parents knew or to the shrink would I have gone!).

Beyond the chaos of my tortured brain, however, I simply wished that I had a super duper group of best friends who liked me. Unfortunately, the world around me just didn't seem all that accommodating...so I got got lost in stories. I couldn't seem to digest enough of them- in fables, Greek Mythology, Nancy Drew and Chose Your Own Adventures and in Roland Dahl's worlds of peaches and witches. Then in Betty and Veronica comics and 'He-Man' cartoons. My favorite stories were actually ones that my father and my grandmother would make up on the spot, about Sinbad the Sailor and about a brave young girl lost in the woods trying to find her way home. Because they were told instead of read, I became enamored with the power to create a multi- dimensional image with just words. I didn't know it at the time (as all I would envision was the day when I was finally an adult and free of 'mean girls'), but those hours of storytelling coaxed my brain to become idea generator that it is today. I was reading an article on one of the co-founders of the internet, Leonard Kleinrock, who credited his obsession with Superman comics with inspiring him to build his first radio, at age six. No wonder children have an easier time crossing over into the parallel universe on 'Fringe', their minds have the opportunity and the willingness to go anywhere and do anything.

So my thought is that if our childhood reality was fairly miserable, our instinct to survive compelled us to create a new one. For some of us, that was in our heads through an active imagination, for others it was vis a vi Dungeons and Dragons. How can it change our lives? Well for me, I dreamed of experiences far past the boundaries of my hometown and my creative essay secured me a spot at a top university (I know this for a fact). I have held on to the idea (albeit naively) that if I can envision it, and I work hard enough, it is possible. For others still, it was looking at a computer terminal and dreaming what the potential of such a device was, of actually teaching one to speak and think. Hello technology, good bye status quo and the popular crowd that embraces it.

What about geek culture and the fact that it is becoming more mainstream? All I have to say is Comic Con and even the least geeky person has heard of it, and might even be trying to get tickets. Geek is chic now...which aligns with the whole celebrity aspect of my post…but why? Because the geek culture represents a passionate, supportive community. The sense of community in society today is practically non-existent; do you know all your neighbors or go to Town Hall Meetings? Didn't think so. You probably don't go to church anymore either (I certainly don’t).

We as human beings need companionship, a community, we need a tribe (as Seth Godin explores in his TED speech). If we are ones who don't align with the status quo, we definitely need to find our tribe. How do we do that? If you weren't popular and didn't feel accepted by the popular kids in school and turned to comics, or 'Star Wars', or 'Buffy', how did you find like-minded devotees? Technology, as Seth Godin pointed out, solved that problem. The internet didn't create one large homogeneous community, it allowed countless smaller ones, tribes as he calls them, to form. These communities don't care about where you live, your dress size or your paycheck, just your passion for the topic. As these online communities strengthened, so did the technological platform that they were built on. You can now connect and play against million of people on 'World of Warcraft' and then watch a webseries about fictional WoW players! Soon, you will be able to become part of a Star Trek online gaming experience if you chose to put your Trekkie knowledge to the test and subscribe to the MMORPG.

These type of online communities have of course now spilled into the mainstream. Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, these are all social networking platforms that could be seen as mass derivatives of online communities originally founded by ‘geeks’ looking to connect. Though created by geeks, technology has become a device of the popular. What do you do when the popular even want to call themselves geeks?

Let them. Let popular people be exposed to the subjects, gadgets and stories that have long dominated the lives of us here down in the sub-cultures. We all need a little escapism these days and as geeks we need to be welcoming, not cliquee. Because, can we honestly say that Shaq was part of the status quo as a kid? No, he was a 7 foot alien to his peers. Or Oprah? Talk about bashing down the status quo! And she didn’t have Twitter to help her during her early years. Or even Ashton...he was a model and a sitcom star who has made a respectable career for himself as a producer. Look at what he’s done- it’s pretty innovative. He’s definitely an idea guy and he challenges the mainstream’s idea of entertainment all the time. I have no idea what their childhoods were like but somewhere there was the impetuous for them to create change, so they might be the geekiest peeps amongst us.

Do you see why geeks can't just be computer geeks anymore, though there is a direct correlation between the original term and the more evolved one? I don't believe there is one set of parameters that defines who is a geek in today's times. I definitely agree that it shouldn't just be because someone uses Twitter, but then again, maybe that someone joined Twitter because they wanted to expand their perspective on life and be exposed to new minds, new ideas. If no one desired change, no one would challenge the status quo, thus no evolution would occur. In a nutshell, I believe a bunch of geeky, unpopular kids paved the way for life as we know it today. They dreamt big because they had to. So during these days economic and social strife, head to Star Trek for two hours of fantastic escapism, turn off your phones out of respect now matter how much you want to twitter, and let's just support all those who don't quite fit in and want to dream of something better.

Phew!

Be back soon...All Things T

Renovating Geekville

2009-05-16T12:19:00.000-07:00

Grrr....Arrggg! I've been away from my blog for far too long! For those of you who are subscribers or regular readers, I'm sorry about that - my time just got eaten up by the career monster (grrr...arrggg) that's the sound he makes - yup, just like Joss Whedon's cute little Mutant Enemy guy- our monsters are friends, or at least my little guy follows the little mutant on Twitter and I hope they'll be friends one day...along with JJ's Bad Robot.

'Star Trek' rocks!!! (thanks @bonniegrrl for the fab Bones pic) 'Dollhouse' gets renewed!!! 'After Judgment' is now sponsored by Microsoft!! (well 2 out of 3 ain't too shabby)

So, what's new? Besides that you loved 'Star Trek' and want to see it again? (yup me too!) Have you been discovering your creative voice? Been mulling over the social ramifications of para-social relationships? Or have I just created a 'Twilight'/ Robert Pattinson fan out of you? 'New Moon' is almost done shooting...I won't be able to hold off blogging about that for long...though I really should (note to self: find new pale, lanky actor with accent, who stars in films that are indie art house hits, thus blog worthy, to fixate on). Wow, It's kinda freeing being able to write again like this. Ironically one of the numerous things that kept me away from this little creative outlet of mine for the past few months was a fashion writing gig that required me to be entertaining (while writing about tiered mini dresses), but still grammatically correct, plus I could only use one space between sentences (huh?). But that gig is already over (a little prematurely I might add), but I've also been up to a lot of other good things that hopefully won't have a premature ending, ie. lots of usage and reruns! I shot two national commercials - one directed by the Coen Bros. (you can see the behind the scenes footage here) and a Clairol campaign directed by Barry Levinson also starring Angela Kinsey from 'The Office'. I did a small spot on 'Lie to Me' and a few print jobs. I also shot a festival caliber short called 'Beaverton' that is a passion piece for a bunch of people and had amazing, top level crew and talent involved including Peter Jason and 'Gentleman' Jim Planette because of it. Valesca Cnossen directed it and Keri Smith wrote it and I am honored to have been able to bring such a beautiful role to life. I felt like all the 'trauma drama' scenes that I had done over the years in acting class prepped me for being an veritable open wound for three days (doesn't that sound pretty!?).

Then there's 'After Judgment' - that difficult, demanding and draining child of mine that I love with all of my heart, like any good parent. We were nominated for 5 Streamy Awards as well as being named a finalist for the Audience Choice Award! I was even nominated in the Best Actress category whoo hoo!! We didn't win anything! Whoo hoo! Great experience though, especially being able to experience my first red carpet with the cast and presenting an award (to Neil Patrick Harris no less). I thought things would settle down after the awards but how wrong was I. No heaps of money or network deals fell on our lap, just a few more doors that were left slightly ajar. Needless to say we (my partners Mike and Stephanie and I) have been working tirelessly to keep 'After Judgment' going, raise money for Season 2 and get our other brilliant ideas into script form so that we can continue down the road to web TV domination with new projects as well. We have some really great ideas too so I better get to the point of this blog post fast as I have to get back to work on one of the treatments!

Becoming truly immersed and even having my work recognized in the Web TV/ digital landscape has presented an interesting opportunity. I can validate my inner geek. Now, if you've read my musings before you already know that I've talked about my geekdom a lot (I'm not just jumping on the bandwagon): from holiday thoughts in A Holiday in Geekville to wondering if I can still have geek street cred if I'm not a gamer (unless karaoke on Playstation counts). As many of you readers know, there's been a bit of a kerfuffle over the I Am A Geek video in the past week. Because of the Twitter revolution, some mainstream celebs have embraced the microblogging tool that were initially, solely used by early adopter folks already invested in the online space. Jeff MacPherson, aka Dr. Tiki used Twitter long before I had ever heard of it, and when he tried to explain it to me a full year before I started using it, my response was 'but I don't have a Blackberry.' ? Needless to say, he's a pioneer in Web TV and embraced the digital space as a new platform for video content, before YouTube even existed, and is an active Twitter user...but he wasn't on the I Am A Geek video. Shaq, MC Hammer and Ashton were. They are all on Twitter and they all have hundreds of thousands of followers, even a million in Ashton's case. They are seen as mainstream media successes. So why were they in a Geek video? Because they like and use Twitter? Does utilizing a social media application that connects you to adoring fans make you a geek? Probably not. It makes you a narcissist with an iPhone. Maybe. And that's what I sensed a lot of people on Twitter were thinking; that it was a joke that those celebs were included in a Geek video, that the makers behind the video were just looking for added publicity. So GeekDad quickly followed up with a list of top 100 geeks to follow on Twitter, because we have to get a hold of Geekville and make sure that the borders are patrolled! But, whoa....hold on there you geeky minuteman! Just because someone happens to be a celebrity, who might be a narcissist with a good PR rep, doesn't mean that they aren't still a geek. They just might be a well paid and an often photographed one. Does the fact that someone really not know the ins and outs of Linux and wordpress mean that they can't be classified as a geek? Does geek really have to mean computer geek? So don't go getting your panties in a bunch over a few B-List celebs involved in a random video celebrating geek culture which ultimately benefited a literacy charity. Why don't we, instead, step back and realize in a time when a re-booted 'Star Trek' can kick butt at the box office, a low-rated 'Dollhouse' can get renewed, and a strange little 140 microblogging tool can suddenly connect millions of people and their inner monologues, that the term geek actually needs to be addressed and redefined in this day and age?

Hi, it's future Taryn (I feel like I've gone through a worm hole and done a Star Trek/Lost time travel thing). I've been writing for many hours now and I've decided to end this part of the post here as I am diving into some pretty crazy waters below (of which you obviously can't see yet but you will), and it deserves its own separate post. So think about what geek means to you and I will be back with Part 2 before you know it!

Rom-halan! Be back soon...

All Things T

Another Thing 'T'

2009-04-16T11:16:00.000-07:00

I'm writing a new post! But who knows how long it will take me as I'm a little rusty...so in the mean time, I'm obsssed with capturing moments on my iPhone so will start posting my shots here from time to time...

This set is called...'RED LIGHT/GREEN LIGHT'

I wonder why...(they were taken during some really cool fog down by my house). These are the original pics taken from my iPhone (not touched up or color adjusted), and yes, I was behind the wheel...holding up traffic because I thought the three staggered cars and the rest of it looked so cool.

What are your coolest iPhone shots? Link to them in a comment and I'll post them if I love them.

Be back soon...All Things T

2009-02-25T11:27:00.000-08:00

This is a post that I wrote a few weeks ago but couldn't publish as the nominations (we knew we were a possible Finalist for Audience Choice Award) for the 1st Annual Streamy Awards weren't public. It meant a lot when I wrote it, though, so wanted to share during this hectic week. Thanks for everyone's support of me and 'After Judgment'- it means so much:

------------

Permit me a moment of your time to indulge in a quick but poignant what if. Do you let yourself go to that pesky place and ask yourself the what ifs? Mine is coming from the release of "Watchmen", and the notion that I could possible watch my webseries win a coveted Streamy Award. Huh? Sorry back track. "Watchmen" opens this Friday. This is a movie that could be one of the most prolific films of 2009 or even the decade. Don’t forget that Zach Snyder is the 'visionary directory of 300' and that these are graphic novels that have already left a lasting mark on pop culture by creator/writer Alan Moore and his dystopic view of an alternate society.

So what’s my 'what if'? Well I was up for a role in the film. It wasn’t huge but it was a big scene with a few pages of dialogue with the veritable Billy Crudup (as Dr. Manhattan). I auditioned on tape along with a few hundred other actresses in Vancouver and then found out a few weeks later that I had a callback and would be auditioning for Zach Snyder himself; he apparently ‘liked my look’. Now I had seen ‘300’ already, knew of the Watchmen series and was cognisant of what a huge deal this movie was. The callback was also at the tail end of a three month stint in Vancouver where I had yet to book a job. I went to the callback, had a magical experience in the cavernous sound stage, where I met and read (and was re-directed numerous times) by Zach and his producing partner wife Deborah and walked out of there truly believing I had booked the part. There were three other women there besides myself- that was it. But it didn’t happen- after a phone call to my agent, I was simply told ‘that I wasn’t in the mix anymore’.

What if I had booked that role? My agent in Vancouver most certainly wouldn’t have dropped me, and consequently neither would my fancy LA manager. I probably would have stayed in Vancouver longer or kept popping up for weekly stints, inevitably wrecking havoc on my personal life. And I honestly don’t know if I would have shot "After Judgment". I really don’t know. I was so desperate to prove myself as an actor that that one significant booking might have derailed my growing focus towards writing and producing, and I would be still trapped on the hamster wheel that is auditioning. Zach and Deborah’s one little decision, a minuscule blip on their radar, had massive, massive ramifications on my life. I feel like I’m watching Michael Caine in "Mr. Destiny" show John Belushi how not hitting the home run in high school changed the entire course of his life.

Am I crazy to have these thoughts? Maybe booking the role wouldn’t have made that much of an impact on my life, but for dramatic story sense, I’d like to think it would have. I think it’s also ironic that the foundation of the Watchman story line is an alternate reality where Richard Nixon stayed in office and won the Vietnam war- there’s a 'what if' for you. Where would I be today if I had booked it? Would all my acting dreams have been answered? Would I feel that I had achieved a certain level of success because I was part of Warner Bros. tent pole film? What about the little things? Would I have still started blogging? Would I have gotten back into acting class and found a little gem of a play that I hope to produce, not to mention the laundry list of film/tv project ideas that I have on the go. Or would Zach Snyder have taken an interest in my tv series idea, whilst I bonded with him on set, so I would have had the best of both worlds? What if, what if, what if? STOP.

I sit in my house, in front of my laptop with piles of paperwork and post it notes around me, a year and a half after learning that ‘I wasn’t in the mix anymore’. I look at the possibility of seeing "After Judgment" exposed to the mainstream media because we’re potentially nominated for a Streamy Award and it looks like it will be a huge event. I look at the possibility of finding sponsorship for Season 2 and a whole world of opportunities that have opened up because I stomped full-force into web producing. I look at these words I have just written and force out a cleansing breath heavy with painful 'what ifs'- it is time to banish them- because they are pointless what ifs. Because in this place where I sit now, there is only the what is.

And what will be.

The Golden God

2009-02-22T12:46:00.000-08:00

Boy I do miss the days when the Academy Awards used to be on Mondays, do you remember that? That was back when I worked at William Morris and my headset still had a cord. Around lunchtime, the motion picture agents, still hungover from Ed Limato’s Saturday night ICM party and rife with dirty gossip, would start barking at their assistants to wrap up their phone sheets (well at least return the important calls) and make sure that they were on the appropriate party lists. They would pace up and down the hallways, cell phones to their ear, tuxes half on (most of the agents by my office were male) yelling to find out if the wife was ready at home and if the car was on the way. Once all the tuxes left around 2pm, we assistants got to leave early; half day because of the Oscars! I loved the frenetic energy that doused the WMA hallways as we peons shut down our computers, locked the inner sanctums, then headed out for cocktails- imagining the day when we would be on our way to the red carpet or better yet the Vanity Fair party afterwards.

Today is Oscar day…whoohooo.

That’s about as much enthusiasm as I can muster. I’m pretty non-plussed over this Gil Cates manufactured, ad-driven (though barely this year) and already predicted (click if you want to see the supposed winners) event. The stars, the gowns and glitz, even the announcement of the winners don’t emotionally resonate with me this year. As an actor now, yes, I admit to having those random moments of visualizing myself on the red carpet, and better yet, at the podium receiving my statue, giving my perfect acceptance speech. Yes, I would like to hold that little golden man in my hands and feel the world’s approval of my artistic talents (or the studio’s publicity machine) raining down on me. But as soon as those images pop into my head I banish them to the ‘bad ego’ part of my psyche. This award, or any award, isn’t why I entered this field of storytelling.

So, the capricious grey sky today pretty much reflects my mood towards watching the show. Except for one little ray of light peeking out from the ominous clouds, one golden cuff that is shackling me to the telecast. I could try to break free but what’s the point. The world’s newest heartthrob, an actor who has spawned more websites, facebook fan pages, and 6 ft cardboard cutouts than any other actor in history, (I’m assuming for theatrics sake and taking into account that the internet wasn’t around when James Dean was alive) will be presenting. Robert Pattinson aka Edward Cullen aka king of the crooked smile and floppy hair will be walking on stage…to present an award…at some point (I’m assuming towards the end to keep us all glued). Cue the screaming.

I step back and just shake my head. I mean what madness has swooped down and bewitched so many of us that the man-child’s 30 second presence could actually make one want to watch the entire awards show. That is insane! Ever since Hitfix confirmed that he RPattz would be presenting, I’ve followed the digital trail. Twitter feed @RobPattznews is the best for linking to the up-to-the-minute news and pictures of his mundane (but still dreamy because it’s him doing them) activities since arriving in LA. Lunch with his agent! Walking to his car! Wearing a white t-shirt that shows off his biceps! Revealing his hair and weird beard! Honestly it’s mind boggling that this young British gent inspires such mass hysteria (though I do have some theories). He is undoubtedly Hollywood’s new Golden Boy. Golden Boy meet little Golden statue- say hi! “helloo”. (yes, just like in the Biology class scene).

Why am I once again embarrassing myself by talking about my Twilight/ Robert Pattinson obsession? Because it actually ties back to a (legitimate) topic that I have been musing over for the past few months, ever since two tidbits of Hollywood development news struck my interest. Movie stars are a dying breed.

Baz Lurhman is supposedly set to direct a new adaptation of ‘The Great Gatsby’. I love Fitzgerald and have read the book numerous times, and have recently dipped into a bio book about his Scribners editor Max Perkins as well as the Hemingway book ‘A Moveable Feast’ that details the adventures the two authors had while together in Paris. Fitzgerald’s characters are a mirror of his flawed genius and tell stories in a sprawling, colorful and tempermental time in our history. And I love Baz: ‘Moulin Rouge’ changed my life (that's another post) and his visionary approach to storytelling inspires the way I try to approach this business.

My first thought, well after my general feelings of glee and how can I be a part of this production, was who will play Gatsby? Jay Gatsby is an iconic figure. Golden, glorious, yet ultimately desperate for love and imbuded with ambition- heavily flawed. I loved Redford in the role, even if it was just the way his golden hair was backlit like a halo. I believed him in his naïve bravado and smug 'host with the most' persona and bought it when his vulnerable, deep obsession with Daisy exploded. Who could capture that tricky combination of qualities on screen? Ummm, hmmm, any ideas? No one is really coming to mind (not adding Rob into the equation). Nikki Finke even posted out that question but the myriad responses only confirmed my sneaking suspicion that there is no one in Hollywood who is right for this role of Gatsby. It’s not about acting, it’s about the being.

Cut to a few weeks and I read a post about a new Steve McQueen biopic in development. Steve McQueen! What can I say- the name says it all. His characters spanned the genres, from a ramblin’ gamblin’ man in "Cinncinnati Kid" to a steely detective in "Bulitt" to a slick playboy thief in "The Thomas Crown Affair", not to mention his western and war movies. His characters all jumped off the screen and attacked you with their realism and raw intensity. He was sexy in his stillness, the way he drank his coffee at the opening of "Bulitt". He, for lack of a better term, was a manly man but, much like Newman, could steep his characters with dose of silliness and levity. Most importantly, he always let his characters’ vulnerabilities peak from beneath their masculine surface. In short, he was the most watchable man on the planet. (Still have to rent the "Getaway" can’t believe I’ve never seen that film). So who on earth will play this super man? Apparently Brad Pitt is front runner (he owns McQueen’s mugshot) and Colin Ferrel and Daniel Craig have been mentioned. I am a Clive Owen fan but he’s not right. And more importantly, this film is supposed to be about McQueen’s younger years, late 20’s, early 30’s. None of the previously mentioned actors, except Colin Ferrel are even close to that age! And no one possesses those on screen McQueen qualities at that age, I'm sorry, no one.

So it seems like (and definitely point it out if I’m wrong) there aren’t any young male actors that are taking up the torch of movie icons past. No one seems to have the 'presence' to step into the shoes of Gatsby or McQueen. But in the same breath I don’t think actors like Brando or James Dean could ever survive today’s onslaught of press and paparazzi. The demons and darkness that made them infinitely watchable would be aired out as dirty laundry on everyone’s Yahoo home page and quickly lead to their destruction. Those who are succeeding today in Hollywood are smart and saavy, keen to play the publicity machine and maneuver the red carpet. That move allows them a career but it drains them of mystery, of authenticity- don’t you agree? Young stars know that the red carpet and pics of such are the life blood of their career…if they can get on enough websites and into tabloid mags, it gives them currency, enough so that studios will put them in more films.

The mass hysteria around Robert Pattinson makes me believe that he is different. He doesn’t court the media but he doesn’t punch cameramen in the face either. He lets them co-exist with him, if they can actually find him. I can’t imagine how many events he has been invited to since Twilight came out but he’s made his requisite Twilight premiere appearances and then jetted back to London to hang out in pubs and show up at open mic nights. He likes his music, likes his buddies and seems very committed to his job as an actor. He also seems to like to say ‘no’ to the Hollywood machine. And that makes him even more appealing. As @RobPattznews messaged me, ‘Rob has that Beatles and Elvis quality’. My husband shook his head in staunch disagreement but I quite agree.

So I will watch the Oscars tonight, not care if I see Brad Pitt, George Clooney, or lord forbid Zac Efron or the Jonas Brothers on the red carpet. I’ll feel genuine happiness towards those who win because it definitely is a great achievement (even if we do already know who does). And I will gleefully scream (with my inside voice) when Rob walks out on the stage. Oscar will have its golden moment. But it’s future is pretty bleak.

How noble in reason, but how infinite in faculty...

2009-02-09T16:54:00.000-08:00

"You see things; and you say, "Why?" But I dream things that never were; and I say, "Why not?""

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

We’ve come to a point in our collective experience as a society, hit from all sides by a flailing economy, that we are resigned to hunker down. We’re working hard, glad if we actually have a job to work hard at, stashing any excess cash under the mattress (as banks, of course, can’t be trusted anymore) and just keeping our head down so the recession monster can’t come and snatch up our heavily mortgaged house. The tags of our daily life are now ‘surviving the downturn’, ‘weathering the storm’ and ‘simplifying your lifestyle’. It is certainly not a good climate for day-dreaming. "Day dreaming?" you laugh. You know, going inward, allowing the sub-conscious to take flight, throwing off the shackles of the mundane world, like we do while we sleep, but only you’re actually awake. But these days if someone were at their desk and caught staring off into space, the office collective would probably shake it’s head and silently confirm that if someone had to go- it was going to be the day dreamer. Why? Because not actually ‘doing’ something physical, not indicating the ‘work’ that you are doing with your body, is more often than not seen as doing nothing at all. We’re by-products of the Industrial Revolution and the Puritanical settlers of this country. The enlightened didn’t jump on the first rickety ships to the New World, the workers, the builders, the farmers looking for a better life, enslaved under the ruling thumb of the imperialist governments, did. When the going gets tough, that historical arch-type, the one who laid the concrete foundation for this powerful nation, is who we are supposed to become again. It’s time to work, not think...or at least if you have to think, think hard! Ugh.

"The source and center of all man's creative power. . . is his power of making images, or the power of imagination. "
ROBERT COLLIER

My husband often catches me staring at a wall. After years of doing this he still seems confounded by it. No, I’m not solving some quantum physics problem in my head (though I’d like to be able to). Usually, I’m staring at the wall because I’m creating an image in my head that satiates my need for aesthetic beauty. I love interior decorating and design so I imagine what my house could look like if I had a willing handyman and a five figure remodeling budget. Regardless of that not being a reality, in my head I’m still reconfiguring our furniture layout and changing the wall color, if only just one wall so that it would be more of an accent and increase the depth of the room, helped by the addition of the large William Sonoma Home mirror that would be purchased and hung horizontally. Then there would be the new built in sofa type bench along the side windows that would make our dining area feel more like a lived-in library than a regular dining area that rarely gets used. (I think dining tables and chairs, propped there in a middle of a room with no other purpose than a random dinner party or an extra desk is stupid and eerie). But there’s no possible way that my husband can peek into my mind and know that I am visualizing and crafting this image (but he does however comment that the house looks nice after I've clustered the angular Picasso prints and our montage of black and white Parisian prints together to contrast with the gilded mirror.) So instead he just waves his hand in front of my face until my focus comes back to the show we’re watching, or until I bat his hand away and growl, "I'm thinking!", which is usually the case.

Just to state the obvious, I like to put my brain to better use than just creating a virtual page out of the now defunct Domino magazine (grrrr dumb economy). Whatever I am working on, I always try to take myself out of that I have 20 things on my list to get done! state of mind and coax my brain to just freely focus what I am trying to achieve, whether it's a marketing strategy for 'After Judgment' or the integral scene that will link the secondary plot to the main narrative on our tv project. When I achieve this focus, there is a LOT of staring into space going on. But then intense scribbling and typing usually follows. I like to think and I really like my imagination. It's a trippy place to visit and I have recently started to become a frequent traveler and embrace it’s vastness and it’s power. I think that the power of the imagination needs to be championed...because it's infinite.

I happened to watch three movies this weekend that inspired me to continue musing on the topic of creativity and now the power of imagination: 'The Diving Bell and the Butterfly', 'Coraline' and 'Man on Wire'. Each of these stories and their cinematic representations are unique; all of them represent a ‘first’, either in the content of the story or they way in which they are told. The first and most meaningful to me was 'The Diving Bell and the Butterfly'. Jean-Dominique Bauby or Jean Do, as his friends called him, wrote a personal memoir having only the use of his left eye to communicate. Seriously, I know! This sounds beyond the realm of truthful human experience but it is indeed a true story. This movie rocked me to the core. As any good filmmaker can do, one is made to empathize and connect with the protagonist. But in this case, director (and artist) Julian Schnabel takes it to a nauseating and claustrophobic extreme by breaking the fourth wall and giving the audience the experience of being Jean Do as he wakes up from his 20 day post-stroke coma, only to discover his condition of being completely paralyzed with a fully-functional brain, or ‘locked in’ as it is called. Kathleen Kennedy, during the commentary, acknowledged my initial revulsion at being put through this visceral experience…I honestly didn’t think that I could handle it. My active, imaginative brain quickly placed myself in that very predicament, as if I was deep into character study, and I began to weep, going crazy in the ‘what would I do’ if something as horrible as this were to happen to me or a loved one. But then, out of the claustrophobic darkness the film had thrust me into came a bright relief - a sweeping overhead shot of a snow-covered mountain peak interrupted by the movement of a small dark figure carving long serpentines down the powdery face. This was Jean Do, living life both as he had before but also in the now. He was free in the moment, in his mind. Then he fluidly moved to his memory of a beach, to feasting, to lovemaking; he let himself experience them all in his mind, as freely as if he were there rolling in the sand with his lover, waves crashing over him. This was the moment when he allowed his fully-functioning brain to become a portal to the larger than life experiences that he had already had and still wanted to have. He gave himself over to the power of his mind. He countered the oppressive feeling of the diving bell, the metal diving suit that trapped him motionless beneath the water, with that of a winged creature, free to escape the confinements of the mortal world.

"My cocoon becomes less oppressive, and my mind takes flight like a butterfly. There is so much to do. You can wander off in space or in time, set out for Tierra del Fuego or for King Midas's court."

At this point in the film my breathing returned to normal and I just reveled in this enlightened man’s quest to tell his story and live and love in the rare moments that he had left on this earth, mostly because he gave himself over to, well himself.

The other two films that I was lucky enough to see this weekend were ‘Coraline’ and ‘Man on Wire’. ‘Coraline’, the exquisite marriage of Neil Gaiman’s imaginative story and Henry Selick’s rare talent for directing within the confines of stop-motion animation left me giddy - as if I were six again watching ‘The Wizard of Oz’ for the first time. This film was the first product out of Phil Knight’s studio Laika and it was a 3-D masterpiece, first of it’s kind. Who knew that a nine and a half inch model puppet and her adventures into an alternate universe (that keenly played upon her boredom and disconnect from her parents) could affect me on such an emotional level. Then there was ‘Man on Wire’, a documentary about tightrope walker Phillipe Petit and ‘his artistic crime of the century’. Through this film I learned about a true artist, malleable athlete and manic visionary who engineered and performed the first and only tightrope walk between the tops of the World Trade Centers. What most struck me about this story was Phillipe’s initial vision and how he turned it into a reality. The first time he read the news story about the Towers being built (they were simply foundations and a set of plans at that time), he immediately believed that his purpose was to walk between their peaks. And when I say walk, there is nothing pedestrian about his movements. He danced on this taught steel wire, dipping, kneeling, gliding, even laying down horizontally, balancing 1400 feet in the air (as well as making the cross eight times!). As he could see it in his mind, he accomplished it, but after years of planning and preparing.

So what does this mean for all of us. For me, these films inspire me to go further, that I can accomplish more, that my brain is capable of creating more. Not to get all ‘The Secret’ on you but I wonder what we could all accomplish if we were given the permission, or even mandated to stop and just focus inward, let our imagination take over and give ourselves over to where it takes us. We are all capable of imaginative thought, regardless of our artistic temperament. Joseph Campbell, in his epic 'Power of Myth' interview with Bill Moyers, believes that all humans share the same source of imagination as it is "grounded in the energy of the organs of the body and these are the same in all human beings." What if we allow for our natural impulses to be acknowledged and not squashed by a better ‘work ethic’ and the to-the-minute adult responsibilities. I’m not talking about encouraging pointless fantasies to engulf and override our day (though nothing wrong with fantasies here and there) but rather stepping back and acknowledging the power of our imagination to tackle some of the issues and problems that we all now face.

Do I know how? No, of course not, and if I did I’d at least be making money off this blog, but why don’t we all, just for fun, STOP for a moment. And then Breathe. Think of what your personal roadblock is right now. Identify it. Then create the ideal. Watch yourself as you walk through it, live it, make it tangible. I can tell you that mine brings a smile to my face every time I access it. And then tell yourself that you can indulge in that ideal image whenever you need. It might identify some elements of your work and life that you are not giving yourself over to, that your mind will instinctively flutter to, like Jean Do’s butterfly. So go see ‘Coraline’ (support innovative filmmaking!), rent the other two films and relish in the delicious treat that you have between both your ears. What a piece of work is man...indeed. Be back soon.

All Things T

The Monster and The Machine...

2009-01-22T11:45:00.000-08:00

A long time ago, on a campus far, far away (well relatively speaking) I wrote a college paper. It was 15 pages, double spaced, typed on an entry level Dell laptop. It was not, however, researched online but rather in a library and on a Lexis Nexis terminal (remember those?). I had a commentary I wanted to make on society and entertainment as I had spent a semester at USC and interned at a Hollywood agency, so I wrote it as part of a film and television final. It was called The Cult of Celebrity. I wish, oh how I wish that I still had that paper handy but it resides on an ancient relic known fondly only as the floppy disc, stuffed somewhere in an old box. But I clearly remember (and I remember maybe four papers that I wrote in college) that it was a paper themed around a topic of fascination for me- something not really in vogue for academic discussion- but none the less of sociological relevance- that of celebrity, and the impact of the television set and the movie screen on said social phenomenon. That topic has reared its fascinating but ugly head again so I must blog.

At the time, well besides ‘90210’ and George Clooney’s ‘ER’, I didn’t have an addiction to filmed entertainment. But I loved movies as art and was curious about how the world around me, for lack of a better term, felt they ‘knew’ Jennifer Aniston, simply because she showed up as Rachel on ‘Friends’ every Thursday evening in their television set (usually 25” and under). I kicked butt on the paper, especially considering I was throwing around phrases like para-social relationships and exploring the role of vintage movie stars as cultural icons and mythological demi-gods and this was before I had even read Joseph Campbell! I was fascinated how this ascension of the television actor to a household product had manifested and accelerated so quickly in the late 90’s. It didn’t seem normal that my contemporaries would converse about the characters and the actors that played them as if they were, well friends; it didn’t seem normal- ha! I didn’t have a clue how normal this was compared to these ‘friendships’ now. (Poor Jen...but she does look fab in a bikini). So now I ponder out loud.

I figure this paper was really before its time. It was written before Us Weekly veered away from it’s respectable ’People’ like tone, before Life and Style, Star and TMZ, and before, wait, what is that thing called- the Internet? Hold that thought, I’m having a Robert Pattinson craving. OK I’m back- thanks to a quick Google search which landed me on Scandal Sheet via Perez Hilton and Dose.ca (Canadians have the best gossip sites!) I found out that RPattz did a few open mic nights in London this weekend and was really good…sigh…even a few pics posted…double sigh. OK enough self-inflicted public embarrassment but obviously my little detour was to prove a point (though sadly genuine in the moment). At the time when I wrote the paper, I could not have popped onto my computer (or my phone for that matter) and found out what my celebrity crush had been up to in the past 24 hours. That sort of immediate access to semi- gratifying information was impossible. But now it’s not. Shoot, I really want to read my old paper and see if I am truly a soothsayer but regardless, I was on to something and am strangely piqued by my renewed interest in the phenomenon of celebrity, now in relation to the future of entertainment, web content and if it will or already has been the demise of the true movie star.

I just watched an interview with Laura Culpepper the other day on MTV’s movie website. Do you know who she is? She is the uber-Twilight fan who won a job as a guest blogger for MTV- she interviewed Robert a few times- was at the premiere, etc, etc. What was my point- oh right- she ‘hearted’ enough that she was able to cross the threshold from fan to ‘friend’. Access to a mythic realm was won because she proved herself the biggest fan, consumed by the fictional characters and story enough to gain short-lived access to the real people behind it. It’s as if she were in the Twilight version of 'Tron', sucked into the computer screen that she once watched. Now, trapped in the media player, she becomes part of the story, perpetuating the fantasy that the world of Twilight and Edward is actually real, instead of a clever ploy by the MTV marketing department to bring the massive Twilight fanbase to MTV.com.

In the hey day of the studio system, the only time you ever saw Laurence Olivier, Cary Grant, Humphrey Bogart or even Steve McQueen was on the big screen. Perhaps the LA Times would run a picture from a premiere and there would be a Time magazine spread. These stars were talented, charismatic performers who commanded an audience from a 30 by 70 foot screen. These actors were larger than life as were the characters they often played. It didn't matter whether they were playing a part or simply being themselves because all the audience knew was that they were captivated, they didn't judge….they couldn't judge, because they didn’t know. The studios had found these magnetic performers through their scouted talent pool, shepared them up through the studio system (well until the 60’s when the studio system was turned on its head and bunch of rebels decided to make movies- read Easy Riders, Raging Bulls if you haven't already) and then controlled the filmed product that the star would headline. Sure you would see a picture of Gregory Peck on the cover of Life but you wouldn't see a picture of him shopping for groceries at Whole Foods with a week's worth of stubble.

As we now know, most of these said performers were often deeply troubled human beings. It was never much of a secret within Hollywood but the media kept a wrap on what was ‘real life’ for these stars. The media, in some strange marriage of convenience with the all powerful studio system, let the studios feed these stars to the public as they saw fit- usually as a piece of Chateaubriand. I heard a personal account from someone who used to see Steve McQueen get depressingly drunk every afternoon at the bar of a now famous Malibu restaurant. No one wanted to see that side of McQueen, they wanted to see him romancing women or racing cars if they weren’t watching him save the day on screen. The studios took care of the messy stuff and just let the stars do their work in front of the camera and on the red carpet.

Television changed that paradigm. The TV set brought actors into the family rooms of every American household. The faces that filled the screen were almost the same size as the faces watching it. The elevated status of these actors began to morph. They seemed more accessible, attainable and available. Even the movie stars ventured into this realm, guesting on variety shows like the Ed Sullivan show to showcase their talents or plug their new movies. Televising the Academy Awards furthered this integration. This more casual access created a false sense of ‘knowing’ the star and is the basis for the term ‘para-social relationship’.

I could go on further, delve into the psychological elements behind para-social relationships, but really, you understand what I’m saying. You ‘know’ Katie Holmes right? You have an opinion about her cutting her hair, that she might not like Scientology as much as she purports, likes to wear Current/Elliott boyfriend jeans and wants to stay in NYC and not move back to LA even though her play is over. You ‘know’ a lot about her but she has no clue about you- talk about a one-sided relationship. Plus, I’m not writing this for a grade (though sometimes I have to remind myself of that!) so I won’t explore the roots of this phenomenon any further. But we have to acknowledge that the hunger for this ‘real life’ knowledge of our society’s celebrities exists and that it has created a monster that is now fed by the Internet. This monster threatens the very existence of the movie star but has birthed a new genus of ‘celebrity’.

Steve McQueen and Judy Garland couldn’t hack it in a YouTube world. Audrey Hepburn would have run off to help the African orphans way earlier if someone was always filming her with a camera phone. Movie stars are dropping like flies these days and declaring the end of their careers. They are speaking out about their inability to create mystery on the screen anymore because someone just posted a picture of them walking into a hair salon without makeup on and chewing with their mouth open (just read an article where either Kate and Cate stated as much but can't find it to link to for the life of me!). Society seems to want it both way- the demi-god on screen, and the fallible imperfect person on the street (as interpreted by People.com).

So if the Internet will be the death of the movie star, who (or what) has it birthed? Personalities. Multi-hyphenates that are comfortable revealing every moment of their life and making it viral. People that dare you to unfollow them on Twitter. Most importantly, people who can be their own CEO’s. They are CEO, COO, CMO, CFO….they are a corporation and control the product that they produce. Look at Kevin Rose and Alex Albrecht from Diggnation/ Revision 3, Julia Allison, Gary Vaynerchuck, Buck Hollywood. Ashton Kutcher is even getting web savvy with his new ventures. Barack Obama. Yes, him too. They are all comfortable enough to expose themselves to a mass audience, talk about what they are passionate about (whether it be wine, as in Gary’s case, or herself, when it comes to Julia) and have total transparency and accessibility- or at least the illusion of such, to satiate society’s appetite for a celebrity connection.

Oh transparency…there’s that word again. Gone are the days of mystery. That’s a good thing when it comes to Wall Street but a sad thing when it comes to entertainment. Access to web personalities is really only a few clicks away. Barriers to entry have disappeared! But is this really the case? If Jimmy Fallon follows me back on Twitter does it mean that I’m his friend now? Of course not! He clicked 'follow' so I feel included in his world and inclined to support his new late night show. The same would go for Kevin Rose. He may respond to something I ask him via his website but it doesn’t mean that I have a relationship with him. But, it does feel good...to be acknowledged by someone you look up to.

At the Diggnation Live Show last week, hundreds of screaming fans packed into the Knitting Factory to watch Kevin and Alex sit on a couch, drink beer and talk about all things cool on the web. Then the two guys would get up and throw t-shirts and mingle with the crowd. These web-celebs had leaped out of the proverbial screen and into your family room, or at least the metaphoric family room of the 500 fans who braved the long line. The cycle was complete- access granted- and it was great. Perhaps that is what this whole quest for celebrity access and the explosion of the social media networks reflect- our desire to feel, well, liked and part of it all. As Facebook friends numbers rise, I stretch to think, where will it end? How many people can we actually 'know'? When will it become too much to handle? When will we use our phone again to actually talk?

There's so much to discuss on this topic as the proliferation of entertainment 'news' and social media sites hits new highs and the exploitation of celebrity mishaps hits new lows. Can actors who become movie stars survive more than a few years before fleeing to a farm in Tennessee or bottoming out in Promises? Will I try not to Twitter out what actors are in first class on my flight up to Vancouver anymore? I will do my best because I would hate to be on the other end of it. Unless my hair and makeup are done.

Next post will look at Oscar noms and a few movies in development that I am excited about...and probably some random topic that pops into my head. And I promise, it will be short(er)! Be back soon,

All Things T

Creativity: Part 2

2009-01-11T18:22:00.000-08:00

If you happened to read my last post, I can only assume that you have been patiently waiting on my reveal. You've been sitting by your computer, waiting for your inbox to ding, signifying that All Things T had come to rescue you from your creative haze. What is the secret to becoming creative!? How did I go from an unhappy rarely working actress to a multi-hyphenate in charge of my own destiny? Why do I have to check my iPhone Twitter app every second and read Twilight for the 5th time? All excellent questions but only the second question do I actually have an answer to, but hopefully it will illuminate on all the rest.

Growing up, I always considered myself an artistic academic; I was a figure skater who's strength rested in my gracefulness and my ability to express to music, I was talented at piano and ballet. I was really smart in school, booksmart in every subject. But I definitely sucked at art class - trying to recreate a flower or a face was impossible for me so I never pursued it. It's funny how much I love painting abstract works of art now (at the grade school level), but I digress. So I was artistic and top of my class, but I also was very insecure. I cared what my peers thought of me, wanted them to like me and didn't like to be seen as different. Being a super smart figure skater with short curly hair already labeled me as different so I wasn't about to let them in on what was going on inside my head. I most certainly wouldn't act on my thoughts. I was too much of a pleaser. It's frustrating to look back over the past few years and see how acting (ie. auditioning) was just me trying to please the other people in the room by giving them the performance that I thought they wanted (which I thought I was able to figure out due to my intelligence). When I boil it down, I just wanted to make them like me. Ugh. That's sadly never been my strength. I should have just been my unique, complicated self that feels entirely too much and not given a damn about what they thought. But hindsight is 20/20.

Thus, failing as an artistic forced me to become creative. It happened on a rainy day in Vancouver when I was sequestered in my parents' rec room perched in front of my temporary workstation, ie. a laptop and notebooks set up on a small leather trimmed card table. The Vancouver skyline was invisible from the layers of heavy clouds suffocating the city and the only sound was the dull roar, on the floor above, of the vacuum cleaner sucking up our Goldens Retrievers' shedded fur. There were no auditions that day, nor had there been the day before but I was making headway on getting flagged by Homeland Security and I felt really alive. I finally felt that I was working on something that was bigger than myself.

I had had an idea for a short film that I had shared with a director that I had worked with a short time before. I can't get into the details of it, but at the time, I wanted to write it and produce it as a means to an ends. I wanted exposure, a platform upon which to show my true acting talents as I felt that no one really knew what I was capable of. And the idea tied into a cultural icon that was making a resurgence. This short would be my ticket! My need for quick fixes struck again. But the universe wouldn't have any of it. My propensity for research took over and I started looking into the mythology and true history of this icon. I came across article after article, (the internet really is a beautiful thing) and all this newly discovered information started doing strange things to me. It started creating tiny explosions in my head that I couldn't control, and out of the bright light came images. Storylines, characters, even full scenes that played in my head like vivid memories started hitting me. I started to give myself over, just to the story, not to the end result, and over to not knowing where the story would take me (hence the crazy, red flagged websites that I landed on). I would have a insane thought on a plot point and say 'why not?' and then I would research the idea and low and behold I could make it feasible, make it work for the story. 'Why not?' Ask yourself that. There are lots of reasons why you shouldn't, but really why not. I also like the phrase, 'what would be cool?'. It helped me come up with a lot of really nifty ideas- things that excite and intrigue people, that make them react. 'Cool' is the vernacular for what is the new, hip thing that captures the attention of the masses. And coming up with something 'new' is a result of the creative process in some way or another, isn't it?

In giving myself over to this story, I had three very important epiphanies on that rainy day. First, this story was bigger than anything that my partner and I could shoot on our own so we would just commit to writing it and reevaluate from there. Second, I would not attach myself as the lead character as it did not best serve the story. And third, I wanted to find something really badly that we could produce on our own. 'Ding' 'After Judgment' arrived in my email inbox from my writing partner. It had been waiting of me to wake up. It's been a year and a half since that moment.

It has not all been rainbows and glamorous interviews since that moment, let me tell you. It's only been as of late that I have been taken seriously in my endeavors. Much of that has come from taking the risk and putting myself out there personally, along with the series. The web is an easy place to get lost and there have been myriad shows (I'll list some of my favorite shows next post) that have come and gone because the creators thought that the content would be enough, that it would speak for itself and land in the lap of a huge audience. I didn't realize how saturated the internet is with content until I really started exploring it. I came to understand that I would have to tell people why they should watch the show, why it was relevant and unique and why my partner and I were talented multi-hyphenate creative forces to be reckoned with, because no one else would! They say when it comes to personal branding that you tell people something often enough, they will start to believe it. And since I believed in my show, that was all that mattered when it came to the confidence I needed to 'sell it'. I really only had this opportunity once we decided to release it outside the studio system. When old media and the traditional channels for distribution didn't materialize, we were able to exercise our creativity again. With a little help, we brainstormed on a unique way to design the site and extend the world of the show beyond the borders of the video player. The episodes themselves were finished but 'the show' was just being born. After our lackluster studio experience and a conversation with a successful web producer (you must meet innovators in your field and learn from them!) I realized that I didn't need permission or an agent to approach the proverbial powers that be. If I wanted something, I just had to create the best way to ask it and then go and ask it. Why not? Unless you ask for it the answer is already no.

So what have I done thus far to foster my creativity?

1. Identify that my artistic aspirations were not being fueled by artistic endeavors.

2. Erase the pre-determined end result and give over to the idea and the inspiration.

3. Ask Why Not?

4. Create a personal brand and don't be afraid to disregard the status quo.

I still haven't explored that whole idea of 'finding your voice' and I promise I will as that's been one of the most rewarding parts of my creative journey but as I warned you in my bio and opening post, I often have no idea where these thoughts take me and I think that I've monopolized your time enough for now. Be back soon.

All Things T

Creativity: Part 1

2009-01-07T08:47:00.000-08:00

It's 2009 and I am thinking about the word 'creative'. Over the holidays, I was speaking to, let's call her Jane, about a mutual friend who had just finished his second book and about the fact that I had started this blog, when she almost wistfully commented how she was so lucky to have such creative friends. That took me by surprise as she is a whip smart successful (and gorgeously put together) lawyer and I, well, am not (though I most certainly will play one on TV one of these days). We creatives are always struggling, striving towards that elusive 'big dream', lamenting about the road blocks and our lack of 'breaks'. Wouldn't she instead be annoyed by our heightened prattle and think of us as perpetual Peter Pans, refusing to face the realities of being an adult? I mean, I know quite a few people who quietly think that about both me (myself included sometimes) and my peers who have not reached mainstream success after a lengthy period of pursuit, regardless of how entertaining we might be at dinner parties. Did Jane really think that being able to come up with (in our friend's case published) stories and the like, regardless of the lack of steady income and our inclination towards the unconventional, was impressive? And more importantly, (to my little insecure artist self) she thought I was equally creative as someone who had written two books?!

That conundrum quietly followed me around for the rest of the holidays until it was jolted to attention when a few guests at an event I attended revealed their secret dreams to me. Don't laugh, I'm being serious. These adults (all had spouses and children) confided what they had really wanted to be: a musician, a novelist, a musical theatre actress. These dreams were very alive within them; sometimes it was a dream never pursued and regrettably shelved (like a pair of jeans one size too small that you keep in your closet and look at), and other times something they still hoped to pursue. In all cases they looked at their current life as not fully complete and viewed their job not only as a means to an end but as one of them stated, something they honestly didn't like it. I was floored. I felt almost honored that they would confide in me and think that they could gleam a little solace from my experiences and even be potentially motivated to make a few changes in their lives (I'm one for encouraging big dreams). I also felt a tinge of guilt as even just having the chance to pursue a dream seemed such a blessing coming out of this experience. Why me and not them? Was it luck, blessed circumstances or just sheer drive that I purposefully still walk down this path? (That sounds oddly religious and I'm not, but you get the picture). Probably a combination of all three, or at least the latter two. But still...hmmm.

These experiences prompted quite a bit of food for thought, but the topic I wanted to explore in this two dimensional forum is this: Who is truly creative and what do they do? To start this exploration one has to look at what the word 'creative' really means? When I googled it's definition my screen spit back the wordnet.princeton definition of 'having the ability or power to create'. 'Creativity' is defined as a mental process involving the generation of new ideas or concepts. And what is the definition of the root verb 'create'? To bring into existence. This word certainly resonates heavily. It leads us away from the flowery connotations of artists and free thinkers to the realm of religion, of science, to the eternal question of 'why are we here?' and what did we do before email? When something is created, it simply did not exist before. Someone had to challenge the status quo, imagine something that exists far beyond the already established boundaries and then turn it into a physical (or digital) reality. Bill Gates is creative. Albert Einstein was creative. Alexander Fleming and Dr. Fazlur Khan (former created penicillin and latter was structural engineer /father of the skyscraper) were creative. In these instances, the word creative can be interchanged with 'genius' and 'visionary'. But they are ultimately creatives, they just created things of monumental significance. Then there are all the creative artist types, Da Vinci, Joseph Campbell, Bono, Alan Moore, I could spend weeks just researching artists who have created groundbreaking works of fiction, music, film, etc that have changed society's paradigm. These are the people that directly influence me on a conscious level daily but I subconsciously interact with the works of 'non-artistic' creative types every moment of the day...as someone invented the filter in the fridge that purified the water that I am now sipping.

I have three (unfinished as I'm a Gemini procrastinator) writing projects, this blog, and a web series to promote on the go. I also audition for commercial and print work. There was a time when I just had a day job career coaching actors and an active film and tv auditioning career. As the auditioning seemed to be going really well, so well that it looked like it would ultimately lead to actual steady acting work, I quit my day job. I had been pouring all my energy coming up with great ideas on how to help my clients with their acting careers but was barely getting paid for it so I decided to quit and focus all this energy and time on myself. This was a mistake (though not a BIG mistake as it wasn't the best of work environments). This period of my life was pretty miserable. I would get auditions, have a moment of excitement, then work on the characters, memorize the lines, stress about the lack of time I had, feel nervous about not having coached, worry that my outfit wouldn't look good on camera, try to make these casting directors, producers and directors like me in a matter of minutes when I had just heard them chumming it up with the girl who had gone in before me because they had worked on a film together last year in New Mexico, throw my soul out onto the floor (while cheating my eyes up), stomp around on it and then say thank you. And THEN have NOTHING to show for it! I always wondered why my old acting coach said that you must always be acting, directing and writing- auditioning is not acting. It is Chinese Water Torture. Oh and I would also go to the gym. So I wasn't being very creative. I wasn't creating anything except stress and fleeting characters in the night that had to dissolve as soon as I left the casting room or risk losing my sanity.

Looking back, I was attempting to be a working artist. Beyond that, I wasn't actually acting except in auditions and in class so I had nothing tangible to show for it. I would try to put up plays, search out obscure works, innovative playwrights, rally my classmates to see who wanted to collaborate, but for some reason nothing ever came together. I like quick fixes and pulling together a play proposal that might get approved, only to wait for nine months to stage it seemed and still seems so archaic (hence why I love my digital community). But basically, I hadn't figured out how to use my creativity. My voice. How did I learn to? How might you? Will there actually be hyper links that you can click on in case you get bored? Well that's to come....be back soon.

All Things T

A Little Slice of Me...(wait that sounds weird)

2009-01-05T16:42:00.000-08:00

Hey all, happy new year! I hope that 2009 brings you whatever you are envisioning. I sense an energy of inspired change! (I wonder if a certain event on January 20th has something to do with it??) I'm working on some new postings right now but as they are always a wee bit lengthy, in the meantime I thought I'd share some recent interviews/ articles that I've been lucky enough to have written on me and on my work as a producer/actress on the webseries 'After Judgment'. Please click on the links and then comment on the sites and help spread the word. I'd really appreciate it as would the rest of the 'After Judgment' team!

Pink Ray Gun is an awesome entertainment news and review website geared towards fangirls like me! They profile all my favorite shows and even have a Buffy for Beginners for those of you looking to dip your toe into this mythic and amazing series. They also have their own sci-fi comic strip called Intergalactic Law.

Pink Ray Gun interview with Taryn O'Neill

Slice of SciFi is one of the best sci-fi sites out there! It has been around since 2005 when a bunch of Trekkies banded together to save Star Trek Enterprise from being cancelled. Now the site hosts news, reviews and a great weekly radioshow/ audio podcast on all things cool (well in my opinion!). Mike and I were interviewed last month and the interview was just on Sirius Satellite Radio last Monday and you can download the audio podcast from this link!

Slice of SciFi Interview with Mike Davies and Taryn O'Neill from 'After Judgment'

On a final note, please check out AFTER JUDGMENT on Koldcast.tv! We are proud to have them as distribution partners. A brand new episode will launch next Tuesday the 13th!

Keep being inspired and I'll be back soon...

All Things T

A Holiday in Geekville

2008-12-17T09:02:00.001-08:00

With the holidays upon us, and my calendar already digitally inked with social events and family obligations (not that they won't be enjoyable as my family and friends are pretty cool), I took a moment to wonder 'what if?' What if I didn't have every day of the next two weeks pre-scheduled with an activity or a dinner reservation? What would I do? No time consuming day job or cross town treks to commercial auditions...hmmm...what constitutes a fanciful winter repose in my mind? Colorful images of Wonder Woman and Buffy came flooding into my mind. A vision of a digitally aged Brad Pitt in a perfectly dark theatre devoid of Blackberry beeps and unruly children manifested. Even the Mac guy popped into my head. 'I'm...dreaming of a...geek...Christmas'.

I'd be curious to hear your personal geek escapist thoughts (unless it's a weird Megan Fox fantasy so keep that one to yourself) but mine pretty much came down to Sci Fi/Fantasy/Technological 'catch-up'. Hours and hours of it. There are A LOT of shows and books and, well, things, that I have to catch up on and a geek holiday is the perfect time to do that.

First and foremost: 'Buffy' Season 8 comics. The 4th volume has just come out so I have a lot of reading to do. Joss has apparently taken Buffy on quite a roller coaster ride since preventing Armageddon at the end of Season 7 on UPN and if there is indeed going to be a film (because of the 'Twilight' success) then it's time for me to get back on the bus. (BTW, what's your favorite episode of all time? I pretty much concur with the 'Hush' episode as it was brilliant, moving and terrifying all at the same time but I have to say that I knew SMG could really act when I watched 'The Body' episode after her mom died.) OK, an hour a day of 'Buffy' comics, check.

Moving on but not straying from the theme of 'Joss is a god'- I will finally watch 'Serenity' and 'Firefly'. Yes, I fess up, I admit, I have never really gotten into the series. Whhatt?! I know, I know, I'm banned from ever becoming a member of Whedonesque. I did watch some of the episodes, most of the movie, but for some reason the Sci Fi outlaw cowboy theme didn't gel with my sensibilities. I think I had a circuit loose or something. So one ENTIRE day would be dedicated to watching all of 'Firefly' and then 'Serenity'. I'll be really relieved when that gets done because I truly believe that I will work with Joss one day and I'm not a fan of uncomfortable silences. Ability to converse with Joss without guilt and dig Nathan Fillion even more than I do, check.

Next, (and this isn't possible where I'm spending the holidays but I'll just pretend) I would book four back to back tutorial appointments at the Apple Store. Honestly, I'm just not very software savvy and I'm incredibly impatient when it comes to trying to educate myself through online workshops. My producing partner is the technical genius so he takes care of all that technical 'stuff' (see I can't even describe what he does above and beyond words like 'upload' and 'compress') for our different projects so I'm starting to feel inept! So with the help of a 'Chuck' like instructor, and because of my innate brilliance, I would become an expert on Photoshop, Final Cut Pro, and Soundtrack Pro in the course of an afternoon. I would also learn the ins and outs of my fabulous new Macbook Pro, you know, learn what this monster is really built for and most importantly get help with auto sorting my emails!! I honestly need intervention when it comes to my inbox. I'd like to learn code too, but just for party conversations when it turns dull. So, in control of my technical destiny, check.

I think my brain has had enough exercise so it's time for the body- ninja warrior style! I got into martial arts because of 'Buffy' and I think it's fun to admit it (guys get a kick out of it). But there's nothing cute about my fighting style and how much I enjoy it. I've been doing too much of the hard core boxing and muay thai as of late so I want to mix it up and do some of the crazy creative stuff. So every few days during this geek week I would head over to Xtreme Martial Arts and train in Caporeira and ariel stunts. And because this is a 'what if' post, my knees and wrist wouldn't hurt at all! Able to do own stunts as star of 'Alias' type show, check.

Back to books and I have a laundry list of Sci Fi/ Fantasy sagas to read. As much as I'd like to settle in to the Twilight series for a third time (cue the eye rolling from some people I know), there are myriad series that I should focus my creative eye on. Do I hit Neil Gaiman's 'Sandman' series? 'A Song of Fire and Ice'? 'Thomas Covenant: The Unbeliever'? Even the 'Dark is Rising' series? I'd also like to dive into the new Wonder Woman comics (The Circle) now that Gail Simone is writing. I'd like your opinion on this one as I don't have a full year to dedicate to this vacation. Submersed in alternate universe for countless hours, check.

Heading back to the computer one last time, I would watch every movie trailer available on the Apple site and YouTube. Seriously. It drives my husband crazy when I ask him to stop fast forwarding through the commercials while we're watching 'Fringe' as I spot a movie trailer that I want to see. The silent dialogue between us, only articulated through his nostril flare, is 'why don't you just go online and watch it?!!?' Well, when I'm online, there is a lot of content vying for my attention, both work and non-work related and I'm always jumping to a new page or back to my email as I have inevitably forgotten something that I'm supposed to be doing (just realized two things right now as i write- so be right back- OK I'm back). Sitting on the Apple site for an extended period of time just to watch trailers seems way too indulgent, so it's the perfect activity for this personalized vacation! I'd watch them all on HD and make notes on the up and coming filmmakers and actors that I want to keep an eye on, maybe post a blog about one of them. So perfect! Brain saturated with movie trailers, check.

Finally, I would head to the theatre for the one film that I truly want the full cinematic experience of. No, not 'Twilight' (already did that...twice...and no I am not buying the life sized stand-up poster of Robert Pattinson as Edward- my house just isn't big enough for his coolness). I'm heading for some reverse aging F. Scott Fitzgerald storytelling through the mystical eye of director extraordinaire David Fincher. Yes, I am indeed Curious about Benjamin Button (I even auditioned for the part of Benjamin's mother so I'd like to learn about the strange little guy who caused my teary audition death). Wit aside, I am incredibly proud to see such a unique, epic story brought to the big screen by such a visionary director. Holiday movies hold a dear place in my heart as it was a December the 27th viewing of 'Shakespeare in Love' that moved me to follow my dream of acting. I look forward to a magical moment in the theatre this year with Brad, Cate and even my friend Bianca (playing Cate's friend in the film) lending their talents to the type of storytelling that fills me with purpose. Cinematic inspiration to make 2009 a banner creative year, check.

Thanks for joining me on my geek journey, I have to head back to reality, and luckily it's a pretty good one and for that I'm very thankful.

Be back soon and Happy Holidays 2.0!!!!

All Things T

A Continental Divide

2008-12-10T09:54:00.000-08:00

Being both an aspiring Parisian and neophyte techgirl, I was thrilled to be able to watch the Ustream Live feed of LeWeb '08, a web conference held in my favorite city, yes the City of Lights. Not that I was able to catch much of the live streaming panel discussions considering the nine hour time change but I did catch the last bit of the incomparable Gary Vanderchuck and his mainstage interview and the closing night panel of the Gillmor Gang. I won't bore you with the topics and inevitable arguments that ensued during this latter panel, but one topic caught my ear and I wanted to reflect on it: the European vs. Silicon Valley (ie. American) work ethic and subsequent quality of life. Loic Le Meur, founder of LeWeb event and his American guests (Steve Gillmor, Michael Arrington, Robert Scoble, to name a few) became ironic metaphors for the difference between the New and the Old World regimes, in a digital age.

One of the things that I love about my visits to Paris is how 'in the now' I become. I savor the moments, whether it's just walking the streets, sitting in a cafe reading my book while nursing a beer (strange how much beer is consumed in the country considering its reputation for wine), enjoying a long lunch and an even longer dinner, or simply riding the metro. Perhaps you can argue, it's only because I'm on holiday hence I give myself over to a slower pace, but this historic European city, and many others that I have visited, embrace a certain joie de vivre that seems sadly devoid in American life. We super-achievers here in the States embrace our work weeks as long as they exceed 40 hours, rarely take full lunch hours, let alone 2 week vacations and race back to work after a few months of maternity leave. Especially in this bleak economic time, the news wires are filled with stories of people taking pay-cuts, working double time, accepting an extra heaping of responsibility as opposed to a fat bonus, just to hold on to their job. That 'nose to the grindstone' mentality has been alive and well in Silicon Valley for years, especially considering the do or die nature of the Tech 'start-up' (and especially considering that IPOs are so late 90's).

I'm not sure which one of the Silicon Valley speakers it was that stated it, but he sees the Silicon Valley tech set as the most efficient and powerful group of its kind worldwide because they live, sleep and eat their job. They work 24/7. And the world knows the corporations that resulted, Google, Microsoft, Yahoo, even Facebook, the giants in the industry. And to prove his point, he asked what Chinese or French tech or social media company were we, the general populous, aware of? Ummm, none. But as Loic explained in response, he is happy with that. He breaks even with his company and his blog, and that is enough for him. And his work is all about love (yes, he really said that), his love of being a digital entrepreneur and of loving life. (One of the other guys laughed and said 'well I do it more for the sex' a perfect metaphor for the comparison). Loic then continued to illustrate the differences between him and his panelists by recounting how a US business acquaintance had wanted to know why Loic wanted to go for lunch, for what purpose? And Loic responded, "well just to enjoy lunch?".

When is the last time you have enjoyed lunch? Well, besides the fact that I don't like to think of food as my friend because of the pesky calories involved and my chosen field of on-camera work, the last time was in New York, after a long, brisk walk around Central Park on Thanksgiving (one of the three days of the year where it is OK not to work), at a French bistro. We even sampled the new Beaujolais that had just come out- an hour and a half of relaxed french dining. The time before that was probably at a restaurant in Paris, Chez Janou, that I feature in the photo at the top of this post.

So how do we merge this over zealous work ethic, or obsession I would argue, with this 'joy of life' mentality that the European espouse, and still be successful? The digital age and the growth of the industry that supports it proves that you need to be a viable working and thinking entity 24 hours of the day, the Internet never sleeps. And as the moderator, TechCrunch co-founder Michael Arrington, stated, 'winning is a great feeling too' (when responding to the whole love issue.) Why don't we want that balance though? I know I find it hard to put energy towards something that doesn't have to do with the numerous projects I'm working on. Planning a dinner, just to have dinner, seems counter-productive. Perhaps we live in such a disposable society where, if you don't work hard enough or complain that you are under compensated or unhappy, you are told there are 20 people waiting in the wings to snatch your job (I was told that when I was an assistant at William Morris just like every other new Wall Street analyst), thus there is a sub-conscious feeling of guilt associated with not working. You're only as good as how hard you work. Eek- that's not valuing the human component of the job very much, no wonder we fear that artificial intelligence will take over one day. But I don't think that the American entrepreneurial work ethic will suddenly soften because a few TechCrunch guys were made to realize that they work too hard and don't take the time to smell the roses. Exponential growth, especially in the technology realm, dicates that we have to revolve our life around our work. So you better enjoy what you do. Do what you love so that you don't mind doing it all the time. Who knows if this economic downturn and the resulting massive job loss will force those out of work to reevaluate their lives and what they want. I know it did for me. I don't mind always being in a work frame of mind because I love what I do and am endeavoring to do. It's what keeps me going. But I do hope to spend a year, in the near future, becoming a temporary Parisian, smelling the roses. And I will go to LeWeb...as the beauty of the web is that you can work from anywhere! A plus tard!

All Things T

A Meaningful Life

2008-12-08T09:42:00.000-08:00

Stop with the online store emails announcing that I can get 20% off two items for the next two days or a $100 gift card back if I spend $400. It is making me feel cheap. Not cheap in that I don't want to buy nice gifts for family and friends this holiday season but cheap as in tawdry, as in I'm done with being an active part of this whole consumerist, luxury laden society. I don't want to acquire anything more than what I need and be grateful if I can afford to do that. I want to get down to the basics, I just want to lead a meaningful life.

What is that by definition? I've finally realized that it is different for everyone. And it takes a long time to realize what that is for you. Throughout these difficult, yet fascinating past two years I have gone from a struggling/ on the verge actress waiting for the phone to ring, having my spirit pummelled every time it didn't, not understanding as I was passionate and confident about the work I was doing, to actually feeling like I had am achieving something substantial and reflective of my passion and talents. Now that I feel fulfilled and on my correct path (not 'the' correct path but 'my'), the glossy but bloated distractions of a magazine life don't seem as tempting anymore. I'm seeing them for what they are now: 'Fillers'. Quick, yet short lived fixes to that empty feeling. I started this blog admitting to an addiction to online shopping and at the time that was indeed the case, but it's strange to say that the lure of acquiring something new just isn't there now (well, admittedly as I type on my xmas macbook pro gift) because I am full. Full of purpose and full on life. I type on my macbook pro happily because it fits into the newly solved puzzle that is my creative life - writing, blogging, photography, web producing (in addition to acting); different pieces, different shapes, finally fitting together, all relating to my career, my friends and my family. My career truly defines who I am (it doesn't for some but for me it does), and in accepting that, and seeing those around me finally accept that too, it enriches the other elements and makes the time spent with family and friends more meaningful. By reflecting on and embracing my love of creating, of storytelling, of expressing, of being part of a particular creative community, I realize that I'm just endeavoring to connect more with the world around me. That's why I look to tell stories, especially those with a fantastical or science fiction twist, because I want to have a small hand in elevating the human spirit and psyche to a place where we can share a higher appreciation for our magical, yet fleeting existence on this planet. (OK -Don't laugh- our very existence on a lone planet supporting life, circling a star is pretty magical).

In thinking about a meaningful life, I stumbled across a webpage that articulates and further clarifies what I have just come to realize so I thought I'd share it with you:

10 ideas for a meaningful life:

1. We are all here for a purpose, your life here make a difference.

2. The secret to fulfillment is self- knowledge. Start the journey of discovery.

3. The second part of fulfillment is to apply your self-knowledge to what you do and how you live.

4. Don't waste time lamenting what you don't do well. Concentrate on your strengths- those reflect who you are. Leave the other things to people who do them well. (This is a big one for me as I have to let go of the idea that I am the best at everything I do).

5. Build on your strength. Do more of them and give yourself recognition for doing the things you do well.

6. Pay attention to the small details that you enjoy in your everyday life. Do more of them!

7. On the flip side, pay attention to the small details you don't enjoy. Find ways to delegate them and or eliminate as many of them as possible.

8. Keep a journal and put particular emphasis on the things about yourself and events in your life for which you are grateful.

9. Make an effort to release the negative aspects of your past. Try not to be imprisoned or defined by your past.

10. Jumpstart your self esteem by giving back to the community. Volunteer in a meaningful way that suits who you are and your interests. (This reminds me how I must get back working with the Miracle Project- please see Autism: The Musical if you haven't already.)

Thanks to Dr. Lehavi and her page, those are my thoughts of the day. Be back soon.

All Things T

A Creative Room

2008-12-04T08:49:00.000-08:00

I knew that I would get behind in my writing, especially once I got hooked on those books, whose names we must not speak of (especially as I haven't read the final one yet but it arrives tomorrow from Amazon!!). I only have a moment to write this morning, well not even a moment, but I'm going to anyway as I'm sure all 10 of you subscribers are desperately missing my witty prose and I just needed to get the thoughts flowing again.

I had a pretty cool day yesterday as an article on After Judgment and our new deal with Koldcast TV came out on Tubefilter TV the same day as Tubefilter hosted its Web Television Meetup. Cool! What's Tubefilter? It's OK, if you're not in the digital realm and involved in a web series in one way or another you probably wouldn't have heard of it and if you have, well then you spend way too much time surfing the web (just like me!). Tubefilter is the new destination for all web series news -think of it as the TV Guide for WebTV. When I first met the co-founder Marc Hustvedt, it was right prior to our launch in October and I'm embarrassed to say that I had never heard of the site either. Thankfully a mutual friend introduced us, albeit late into a wine soaked party, but I luckily remembered to follow-up the following week. Tubefilter has since been kind enough to write three articles on After Judgment.

The Meetup last night vividly reflected both Tubefilter's exponential growth as a news leader in the web series realm and the proliferation of web content and series creators. The James Cagney room at SAG (don't get me started on SAG issues right now) was filled to capacity with the quirky digital folks that I have come to love, along with some curious studio folks and a few 20 something starlets representing the network quality (and funded) MySpaceTV shows like Sorority Forever. It was an evening tinged with irony, however, because of where the event took place, ie. SAG (don't send me threatening letters not to work on non-union web series), and that one of the guests was Cristian Cussen, an ex-Scott Rudin development exec turned Original Content VP for MySpaceTV. Unfortunately, his speech and subsequent thoughts during the Q&A didn't exactly reflect the entrepreneurial spirit of the event as they boiled down to this: around .1% of all web series submissions to MySpace had a pilot commissioned and that it would be practically impossible to get into his office to even submit unless an agent and/or an already successful show got you there. I felt like I was right back at a talent agent showcase where they were there to watch your work and maybe offer advice but not consider you for rep unless you already had six guest stars under your belt. The catch-22 of Hollywood had manifested itself in the digital world.

Not that Cristian wasn't interesting or at least well-intentioned. He was there to elaborate on his job. I'm always game to broaden my knowledge about digital distribution platforms, especially when they are the 2nd biggest on the internet. It's just unfortunate that the continental divide that existed between the aspiring creatives sitting in the audience and the guy with the microphone was so awkwardly apparent. As each of the brave questioners learned, after first announcing who they were and plugging their show of course, was that MySpace couldn't really help them. Well, unless they had a MySpace page with thousands of friends, but other than that, unless you made it into the inner sanctum of content development with an idea that happened to correlate with an advertisers wish list at the right time of the year and with an ICM/Endeavor/UTA digital agent behind you, good luck, but don't forget to spend money buying personalized ad banners! It was a little disconcerting to say the least and I think that Cristian was aware of 'the man' that he had become in the room.

Perhaps, though, his slightly uncomfortable experience gave him food for thought. It certainly gave me some. Maybe it might have spurred an idea like this, somewhat similar to what Tubefilter is developing with it's Screening Room project: create a MySpaceTV incubator. I don't have the idea fully fleshed out, but why not offer a distribution platform for web series creators that has limited access to the full rolodex of MySpace users. Have a different featured video from the Incubator page everyday, tailored to the preferences of the user. I produce a SciFi show and I bet that there are just a few folks out there on the site who have happen to like genre. If they click through, then it takes them to the incubator page, of course laden with advertising, with links to the official MySpaceTV programming- the fancy stuff if you know what I mean. I would assume there would be a screening process to get onto the incubator page - a certain level of production value needed- but it seems like a good idea to me. Just as I think that the Screening Room project that Tubefilter is developing is a potentially groundbreaking service for new web content developers to use as a launching pad for their show, if the relationships that Tubefilter have are actually solid enough, though knowing them and their work ethic I believe that they are.

The spirit of the web community returned once Felicia Day walked to the mike as she is the poster child for indie web success. Over the past year she has turned down more than twenty deals before signing a lucrative deal with Microsoft, XBox Live and Sprint so that she can maintain her intellectual property rights of The Guild- pretty impressive to say the least. But, having researched and followed her for the past year, nothing that she said was new news to me, she just re-confirmed that her success took a lot of hard work, passion and a little help from Joss Whedon's fan base. It was strikingly apparent how everyone stared at this petite, quirky red-head with awe and admiration; she had fought Goliath and won. The night ended with me, however. No, I wasn't introduced or singled out because of the Tubefilter article. I just happened to win the raffle for a pair of tickets to another Digital event next week. Though it might sound conceited, the best thing was, when my name was called, I could hear a bunch of people react as they actually knew who I was. I guess my quest to conquer the monster has already begun. Be back soon.

All Things T

The Perfect Man is a Vampire, part 2: welcome to the Twilight hour...

2008-11-25T08:06:00.000-08:00

Okay, so you got me, I am officially a fan. A last minute trip to Vancouver cajoled me into buying the first Twilight book. Thoughts of a chaotic airport, an impersonal plane ride, landing in a city shrouded with rain heavy clouds, moved me to a Twitter free mindset and set up the perfect jumping off point into the world of romantic vampire fiction. It didn't go exactly as planned though as LAX was sold out of the damn book, but Vancouver international had five copies on a newsstand shelf, in all their cheap paperback glory, so I plunked down the $10 CAD and ended up in my parents' guest room bed (laptop next to me of course) captivated from page one (well not really page one but close enough). That was three days ago. Book- read. Twice. Movie- watched. Once- last night- with friend who had already seen it the day before. Fan...sigh...created. But in giving over to Stephanie Meyer's rain soaked, angst filled world, I become what every other Twilight fan considers their right- a critic. Such devoted fanship (and the fact that I am in the biz and have a minor in film criticism) apparently gives me the right to give Summit, Catherine Hardwicke, Karen Rosenfelt, Marty Bowen and all the other Twilight execs a few carefully considered notes, straying from the general consensus of 'stick to the bloody book!' on the next go around...so that Full Moon doesn't run the risk, well, of sucking.

But first, before donning the jacket of movie critic/ development exec, I honestly have to admit I have not been transported back to my teenage years of boy angst- where I was desperately 'in love' with the same dark-haired chiseled rower for a year and a half- quite as vividly by any other book I have ever read. I am suddenly, acutely reminded how I was a closet Bella, never feeling like I fit in, but unlike her, never having the strength to actually embrace my loner qualities. Instead I just wore the same frosted pink lip gloss as every other girl (which, with my Bella-like coloring, is horrific (!) why didn't someone force a berry toned gloss into my hand?) and went out with the boys that my peers thought I should. Maybe everyone felt that same way as the teenage years are truly a horrific right of passage, but I choose to think that my inner turmoil was special. But what I now realize is that, during those coming of age years, we all lived for that single, glorious yet painful sensation newly born out of our hormonal change- that feeling of falling in love. Nothing else really mattered. Do you remember what that first experience of love (for lack of a better term as it wasn't really love) was? I know for me I can't truly describe it but it lived in every cell of my body, colored every step I made, from what time I would show up to my locker to how high my school kilt was rolled. That addiction to my first true crush was all consuming where my imagination would fly away to an imaginary Grad (we didn't call it prom in Canada) where he would leave his flaxen haired girlfriend and find me along the edges of the romantically lit gym (?) and without a word, just take my hand and lead me the dance floor. So chaste yet so intense. Eternal foreplay. Unfortunately though, my creature of choice wasn't a pale, brooding monster who shared my intense nature, he was just an intelligent jock with a wicked smile, but the fact that he was ultimately unattainable and that I still carry those vivid battle scars in my cellular memory makes me a perfect victim for Stephanie Meyer. She, with such ease, reawakened that painfully acute feeling of having your breath taken away...and not knowing if it will ever start again.

So, that's why I (and I'm sure so many other people) love this book. Walking into the theatre last night was a heady experience as I was acutely aware that I would probably be disappointed. Most, if not all, theatrical adaptations of a book are a let down because they never live up to expectations, if not solely because one's imagination is far more vivid and personal than a film can ever be. But still, I was giddy with the thought of being thrust into this fictional world of Forks, Washington and seeing two very well cast actors fall in love on screen- and that they did. Catherine Hardwicke shows her true strength as an actor's director and her casting eye (with the help of the incomparable Deb Aquila and Co.) is exquisite (well except for Nikki Reed but I understand why she cast her; you have to support your small coven of in-house actors even if they are a 180 degree turn from the character in the book but sadly Nikki seemed to be aware of her mis-casting). But what she seems to lack most is the technological expertise to make this supernatural story come to life.

I have seen all of Ms. Hardwick's films and she has a unique skill at using the camera as an intimate tool of privacy invasion. Good thing that Kristin Stewart and Robert Pattinson have such perfectly unlined and pore-free faces as the close-ups and tight two shots of their visages are what emotionally sold the film. It is obvious that Kristen and Robert already have inherent chemistry and Ms. Hardwicke all but confirms that their connection off screen is as intense as it is on-screen but to give her credit, she mines their deep connection with simple, handheld skill that must have taken much restraint and faith in her performers skill and rehearsal. It's when she gives over to the genre, to the fact that it is a supernatural fantastical story, that has much to do with both internal and external speed and movement, that the film lost me.

What separates the 'cold ones' most from the mere mortals in this saga is their gracefulness, their sudden inhuman movements and most importantly speed, covering 30 feet in a blink of an eye, racing silently through a dense forest, driving at 120 miles an hour without a thought, hitting a baseball clear out of site; Edward out and out states it, "we like speed". And that speed adds the much needed element of testosterone and balances out the inherent chick flick nature of this story. Ironically though, the speed theme is further illuminated within Bella. She may move with the grace of a newborn calf but her unique, veracious capacity to, at first 'see' Edward unlike any other of her mortal companions, and then fall dangerously in love with him is literally revealed in the book by the speed of her heartbeat. Just as blood doesn't pump through Edward's veins and he fights his primal urge to consume 'his own version of heroin', the intensity of Bella's physical reaction to him is almost too much for her body to bare, so much so that her body constantly fails her, her heart racing at such an inhuman, unknown speed that it almost gives out. That allegory for speed, and the visual and aural cinematic details associated with it, were no where to be seen, just as the special effects associated with the Vampire's speed and skills were actually quite unbearable. In a day and age when the visual effects on a TV shows like 'Heroes' and more importantly 'True Blood' are sophisticated enough to suspend one's disbelief, I was sadly disappointed how often I found myself cringing during the stunt sequences because they just seemed hokey to me, for lack of a more sophisticated term.

So, 1st note to Summit Execs- get Ms. Hardwicke a better DP and a more cohesive special effects team (I was going to say a 2nd unit director too but Patrick Loungway knows what he is doing!). This may be a difficult request as Ms. Hardwicke has worked with her cinematographer Elliot David since making 'Thirteen' but she needs someone with more experience in the action fantasy genre if she is going to stay at the healm. I'd offer up suggestions but I'm not a below the line agent and don't think Janusz Kaminsky would agree to do a vampire flick. There also seems to be a hodge podge of VFX people involved, some are from Industrial Light and Magic (apparently just for the 'skin' effect of Edward) and from CIS Vancouver with VFX Supervisor credit going to Michael Fink, not associated with either company, who seems to have special skill in oceanic effects- not too helpful here- unless you count rain as oceanic. I know it wasn't an effects heavy film, not like 'Hancock' or 'Pirates', but that doesn't give anyone an excuse to churn out sloppy and uneven visuals. (Also, on a side note- bring in a dance coach so that the actors can really learn what graceful movement is and how to properly crouch like a vampire about to attack- I just didn't buy any of it).

2nd note to Summit and seven credited producers, insist that Ms. Hardwicke employ some additional cinematic techniques to reveal her characters' inner life. Wouldn't it have been captivating to hear and feel Bella's heart race and breathing intensify while trying to maintain composure during her initial, confrontational yet intimate moments with Edward? Edward, being so acutely aware of her scent and of her blood is constantly described as physically acclimating himself to her essence, by exploring her face and neck with his nose, his cheek and his lips. Every single time he does that, her heart almost stops and she must fight to maintain composure and consciousness. If we can hear her inner thoughts via a voice over (ugh usually hate these!) then we should be able to hear her body betray her, that's what is so fascinating about her. And let's take it a step further and go beyond the intensity of it all. As Sabrina Weiss on her MTV Movie Blog wisely points out, there is more to Bella and Edward than just deeply felt moments, there is a sly curiosity and a sarcastic nature to their characters' relationship that allows the rest of us mere mortals to identify with them. I know that Ms. Hardwicke knows all this, it just has to translate on screen.

Lastly, and not previously touched upon, I am noting my strong dissappoinment with the musical score. I was about to buy it off of iTunes prior to seeing the movie as I am a sucker for great romantic orchestration, but decided to wait...glad I did. I don't think I have to go into the significant role that music plays in cinematic storytelling, as if a character unto it's own. You only have to go to the Hollywood Bowl on Movie Music night to feel what the right piece of music brings to a story. From what I heard, the orchestration was a strange melange of electric guitar riffs and mood music. No, no, no! You even had 'Claire De Lune' to work with and that is one of the most heartbreaking impressionist pieces ever! (You're probably getting that I love my scores right about now- listen to 'The Mission' if you are new to this music genre). Thank goodness in the pivotal kiss scene (though not in the book as such) there was no music. Luckily the actors could handle creating the passion on their own and the silence only added to the intensity but you better bring on the great score next time around!

Actually, I could also delve into my opinions on the omitted, abbreviated or 'new to the story' scenes, but most Twilight fans have already expressed their views and displeasure at the omission of the full meadow scene, the abbreviated Port Angeles attack scene and the constructed 'say it out loud: vampire' scene to add punch to Bella's realization that Edward is indeed a vamp, so I'll leave it at that and really what's the point. A movie usually tries to adhere to a 3 act structure and those changes were deemed necessary and prudent to move the story along and close it under two hours. I get it, I probably would have given those notes too if I had stayed on the studio path and was an executive on the project. (But now I personally would just love to see a 6 hour epic mini-series true to the book, like Pride and Prejudice but who's going to make that in this economy?) I have to admit that I missed having the human foil for Bella in the Lauren character but Ms. Hardwicke showed her strengths when it came to fleshing out the supporting high school characters, characters who were highly underdeveloped in the book and who sparkled in the film, even if their scenes were cut in half, due to excellent casting (Anna Kendrick, who played Jessica, is flawless in Rocket Science- see it!) and I'm thrilled they'll have the chance to play those characters again in the next film.

The most important thing that I took away from this film, however and regardless of the sophomoric cinematic visual result and muddled attempts at staying true to the book, was a desire to see it again. 'Ack, really???' you ask. Yes, I'm unequivocally hooked on this love story, whether on page or on celluloid. I can't wait to pull out 'New Moon' tomorrow on the plane to New York and get lost in this world again. I guess Edward best put it best when answering Bella's pivotal question, "how long have you been 17 for?"..."A long time". Must say that appears to be the case for me as well. And on that note, back to work in the real world and I'll let this vampire thing rest for a while- promise...Be back soon.

All Things T

Slayer Central part 1: The perfect man is a vampire

2008-11-17T21:00:00.000-08:00

I'm having problems enjoying the "Twilight" trailer. Is that weird? People are lining up already to see the movie on opening night and poster signings have been cancelled because of the potential for mob madness. I think I have seen spreads of Robert Pattinson (Edward) and Kristin Stewart (Bella) in every magazine publication this month, always looking pale, disheveled and sexy; our generations (eek can I say our? maybe my younger cousin's is better) Romeo and Juliet. What is better than young, forbidden love...especially when one of them is a vampire. But I'm just kind of put off by the trailer. It makes me feel unsettled. 'So what' you ask? 'Aren't you a little old for that schmaltzy fare anyway?' Why yes, I guess...but...well no. It actually doesn't matter what I am, when what I really am is out of the loop. Horribly, painfully out of the loop. I haven't read the books. I don't know the world and haven't been swept off my feet by Edward yet and that just makes me upset! And even worse, everywhere on the web that I turn, I see a reminder of my neglect. 'Why does this upset you', you ask? (starting to worry a little bit about my sanity no doubt). Well, because I am a normal girl (on the exterior at least), with a semi-normal life, who just loves, loves loves her vampires.

Wow- TMI you say! All my budding credibility as a creative voice just vanished, like a vamp in direct sunlight. But alas, it's true, I am addicted to the vampire genre and I have been for a long time. But I had a brilliant idea today (which hopefully will be fleshed out as a new project, sooner rather than later) that made me really look at my fondness for the fare. And I think I might have discovered the root of it all: It's really, actually, a very simple thought. The romantic desire for the perfectly flawed man: the male vampire hero. Think about it...I'll let the thought stew for a minute and reminisce before returning to it. But just so you know, I'd like to figure out (at least so this piece has a function and isn't completely reflective) a) What does he (it) represent and b) what role does he (it) play in our generation's narrative. (I add 'it' because technically 'he' is not alive of course).

When I was a child, I had an extremely over active imagination and would have an impossible time trying to fall asleep. My parents would turn out the light and I would suddenly be plunged into a terrifying, paralyzing darkness where I would tug the sheets above my head, shielding the opening with an army of stuffed animals, and basically mummifying my body (perhaps that explains it all- I was oxygen deprived as a child) so that nothing from the world of the unknown could get at me. My most vivid fear, besides the clown in the closet from 'Poltergeist' and the worm/parasite thing in the ear from the second 'Star Trek' movie, was of vampires. My third eye would rise from under the sheets and watch in horror as an evil, wraith of a non-human would glide towards my bed, looking to feed. I would hold my breath and lie so still so that it would think I was already dead (again the lack of oxygen thing). It was awful. But I honestly can't remember where I derived that fear from (and I've wracked my brain on that one) as I was under strict lock down from the parentals when it came to watching horror movies (though obviously I was able to sneak in a few of them) as they had an early inkling that my imagination wasn't exploring worlds of rainbows and unicorns (though "The Last Unicorn" was the best movie!!).

So how did I go from such paralyzing fear to such unadulterated fanship? I think I made the transition to tweenhood (I hate the word puberty so couldn't use it in a non-parenthesized sentence) and started liking boys. I started watching the Canadian TV series "Forever Knight" and seeing the movie "Lost Boys". Suddenly, vampires were sexy, forbidden, and the cool kids, or they were saving damsels in distress from evil mob bosses. Did you ever watch "Forever Knight"? It was a fantastic show that starred Geraint Wyn Davies (born in the same Welsh town as Catherine Zeta Jones btw) as police detective, Nick Knight, an 800 year old vampire. I didn't quite know at the time why I was so drawn to this show as I was supposed to be watching '90210' and 'Melrose Place', but something about the flashbacks to Nick's adventures in 15th Century Italy, the forbidden budding romance between him and the mortal doctor trying to reverse his 'condition' and his explosions of vampire power during the pinnacle fight scenes where he was saving the day (or night as it had to be) were intoxicating. He was such a flawed yet engaging hero. Now that I think about it, it's so obvious. Two of my favorite TV vampire characters, Mick from 'Moonlight' (passionate fan base) and Angel from, well if you don't know who he is then you probably aren't still reading this post, are just reincarnations of the same character. They are both private investigators, love a mortal, ass kicking girl, can't act on their feelings, but swoop in and save the day- fangs bared- before retreating back into their solitary, loner world (after giving their love a longing glance). Yumm! No need for "Days of Our Lives" here! I just dig a misunderstood loner who is all sensitive to women's needs as he's been around the block for 600 years and has finally learned from all his mistakes. So with that thought, throw in Bill from "True Blood", and Louis from "IWTV". Lots of members of the romantic vampires club. And not only are they reluctant heroes, but these vamps declare their vulnerabilities and must embrace them- no sunlight for them and don't pass the holy water. They want to return to the land of the living and give up immortality for their fair haired maiden, but when things get tough, that sentimentality goes straight out the window and mr. bad ass comes out swinging- inhuman strength, speed and stylish mayham on a plate- saving the day in the process.

OK, now I'm becoming a little self conscious about what I'm writing as it just seems like I've dropped myself into the crazy world usually populated by comic con attendees, airport romance novel fans and those who will indeed stand in line for 5 days in advance of the Twilight release (because I am very different from them, please believe me). But, my basic discovery serves a point. The vampire is our generations Mr. Darcy. Jane Austen had to illuminate Mr. Darcy's dark side by throwing him into fits of...silence. Silence? Well, rudeness too, he would be abrupt and rude to Lizzie as he didn't want to show his true feelings for her. And he was unattainable because he was rich and wasn't supposed to marry beneath his class. Well, OK. Those reactions to puppy love aren't too exciting in the 21st century and class boundaries don't really hold up anymore, but ancient gypsy curses and the need to feed on human blood certainly do! Vampires are just a big old manifestation of our need for romance. Of the unattainable kind.

I'm going to end this post on that note, but also note that there are lots of vampire movies and shows that I'd love to explore from a digital blogger and writer's perspective (let me know if you have any requests). I may even go see 'Twilight' and write about it, even if I haven't read the books. Be back soon.

All Things T

When Nature (and Technology) Attacks...

2008-11-14T11:25:00.000-08:00

I keep thinking that I should be writing about the new "Quantum of Solace" Bond pic or trying to explore the realm of WoW (and what the hell is the Lich King??!), even comment on my wacky, pathetic (me not the evening) bowling adventures, anything funny, sci-fi, and/or entertainment related because that's what will entertain...but no...the world dictates a new level of seriousness. In all seriousness. There is a big fire going on in Montecito as we speak. The Tea Fire. That's right, another piece of bad news (though this time it doesn't include the words 'tough' or 'economic'). It has been raging since 6pm last night and I am still confused how I didn't hear about it until this morning (I guess I was off the grid or did no one on twitter care?), no less in an email from my dad, who lives in Vancouver, but understandably in the 'know' as one of our best family friends live in a beautiful house now threatened by fire. There have been countless devastating fires in California over the past year and a half, it seems like a never ending cycle: Malibu, Canyon Country, San Diego, even a small one beside the Getty and the 405! I've always been transfixed by the images of the monstrous, angry flames consuming everything in it's path, switching between channels to find out more. But I now realize how the impact of such an uncontrollable, devastating attack of nature doesn't truly hit you until it touches you or someone close to you.

It's interesting how we as human beings deal with tragedy. We seem to protect ourselves from feeling too much by subconsciously filtering the devastating visuals. We stare at the screen and shake our heads and then we reassure ourselves that we do care by making broad comments like, 'how horrible', 'so sad', 'those poor people', but that's the extent of it. Most of us don't pick up the phone to the local Red Cross and find out how we can help. Think of all the tough news stories we are exposed to on a daily basis, especially when delivered by those CNN/ AP reporters entrenched in war zones. If we truly comprehended what they were witnessing, what was truly transpiring, I don't think that we could take it. So our brains filter...unless it becomes personal.

Our house in Sun Valley was threatened by a huge fire last summer. I had been there only the week before and receive a Sunday night message from my mother semi-calmly telling me that we might lose the house. 'The house' is my where I was married, where I spend my family vacations, where I am most happy just curled up on the coach with my golden retrievers. When I allowed myself the silence to process that 'maybe', my eyes suddenly welled up, my throat tightened and my face became hot, ie. a flood of tears was moments away if I let myself go there. But I didn't, I mean it's only a house, I told myself. We have insurance, everything can be replaced, everything will be fine. But you suddenly realize what it feels like to be held hostage by the direction and force of a gust of wind, by nature. It feels pretty crazy. And that's, I believe, what the news media needs us to feel so we stay engaged. They need to make it personal so we keep watching. KTLA just did that by having their CyberGuy ask viewers to follow him on twitter and send him personal stories if they are currently affected by the fire. Wow- someone promoting twitter on a mainstream news program as a tool to gather stories, a tool to make things personal- albeit in 140 characters or less. So, because I watch KTLA every morning and like most of the tech stories Kurt does, I started following him, and a few hours later my email alerted me that he was following me. My initial instinct was to find out if my family friends wanted to share their story about the Tea Fire but then I quickly chastised myself. It's personal, and it should stay that way.

Window Shopping in Changing Times...

2008-11-12T10:29:00.000-08:00

I find myself admitting to my addictions on this blog. As my very tolerant husband will attest to, I am addicted to online shopping, albeit the window kind. He'll peak over my shoulder and sigh "shopping again??'' to which I'll reply "nooo!! I'm just browsing!!". It's one of my favorite things to do, laptop on, well, my lap, in front of the TV while watching "Fringe"; "Fringe" Josh Jackson and cool old guy with perfect comedic timing meet fringe suede hobo bag on Shopbop.com. I find it strange that I'm still so enamored with fashion, especially as I live in LA (jeans and tank tops in summer, jeans and other tops in the 2 non-summer months). I'm not socialite or a movie star so 'events' aren't often on my iCalendar. But I have loved fashion since I first bought a 400 page Italian Vogue when I was on a family trip to Europe at age ten. I lugged the massive magazine home, pilfering through the pages saturated with images of Linda Evangelista and Christy Turlington draped in Versace (Gianni not Donatella). I found myself responsible for all Christmas shopping for both parents on behalf of both parents and handled myself very nicely at a Chanel boutique, aged fourteen, choosing a purse for my mom's 40th from a very condescending saleswench. I continue to assist my mom and her check book by helping her plan and pack for various trips and stopping her from making any expensive 'trend based' purchases that the Holt Renfrew salesladies try to push (they generally cringe when they see me) but also fawning over that perfect ivory Fendi coat that I swear she would wear for ten years. I'm not saying I shop personally, well not like I'd like to (mostly due to the choice of career and my talent for doing work that I don't get paid for) but I have to admit- I'm addicted to fashion and the web only feeds my addiction.

November 2008 is not a good time to admit this 'problem'. It's almost taboo to admit that you went shopping and are really in to fashion, especially when the average cost of the seven dresses Jennifer Connelly wears in the new Marie Claire spread is $3100 (not counting the random $100 H&M dress). Who would dare admit that spending that sort of money on one black dress in this economy is OK so how can we support the inflated industry!? And anyway, aren't I supposed to be a sci-fi geek? Since embracing the true geek that I am, I've started to worry (regardless of the tough economic times) that my 'passion for fashion' isn't dissipating and being replaced by a World of Warcraft account. I keep thinking that to be truly geek worthy I have to give up my fashion blogs for comics. But I just haven't had the time (I mean with all my online 'browsing' and all) and maybe I don't want to. Fixating on a cluster of magazine tear-outs illuminating the perfect way to mix a vintage floral dress with a rockstar studded belt is heaven to me! It's something about the visuals and the balance of sillouette and style. I know that I should be hooking up the PS3 and checking out the demos but I just haven't gotten there yet. I have lookbooks to create! Maybe I can be the love child of Felicia Day and Julia Allison. They're both web goddesses who are creative, successful and entrepreneurial in spirit but for very different things. I just don't want to lose my geek cred when someone finds out that I went through the entire Paris Fashion Week slide show on the NYTimes site.

Maybe though, I should focus on how my love of fashion (is there another word I can use? I mean 'clothes' sounds so pedestrian) can function in this new world. In today's climate of economic worries, I'm bombarded with emails announcing sales and special offers codes for free shipping and 30% off. A recent Friday trip to Saks (just to pick up my visiting brother's girlfriend, not to shop) yielded a ghostly scene with pre-sale tags on almost everything and desperate salespeople clinging on to the few of us actually in the store. Shopping is just viewed as a heinous thing right now and people are raising their crucifixes at the site of a couture window display! Lord forbid we covet frivolous items like a new Balenciaga bag? I mean people are losing their jobs, so buy the damn bag at Target! But I digress (mostly because I love my B Bag, it makes me happy). The new trends are not about fashion but about simplifying one's life and not over consuming. Actually, people aren't consuming at all. I just got a newsfeed from, yes, a fashion blog (www.fashionista.com) with disconcerting news that General Growth Properties, the second largest mall operator in the country, may have to file for bankruptcy. No growth there- no one is shopping.

So we're at a cross roads: Over-consumption and the encouragement of it were (and yes I meant it in the past tense) integral parts of our way of life and in part responsible for the growth of our economy (and our massive trade deficit) as well as the ultimate downturn of it. $1100 Louboutin booties and $2400 Chanel 2.55 bags, as ridiculous as they sound, were a result of economics- the market could bear it. A sense of entitlement permeated our society where sophomores in high school thought it only reasonable that they should have Marc by Marc Jacobs book totes and all of us adults thought it our right to qualify for $700,000 mortgages. Magazines promoted the 'have it all' lifestyle through their 24/7 coverage of celebrities ('they're just like us!') and people forked over the plastic, confident that their home value had appreciated another 10% just in the time that they had been out at Whole Foods. Now that we are all in recession shell shock, we are compounding the problem by becoming vigilant commerce isolationists. Everyone is cutting back, even the few that don't need to, because it's what the media is now telling us to do. I fear it may take a few years and countless business casualties for us to peak our heads into the consumer world again without shame.

People in retail talk about survival of the fittest, both referring to stores and brands. There was exponential growth in the fashion world- at least 25 different denim lines are selling (or trying to sell) with price points in the $200's. Remember when se7en jeans first came out and they were $130? It was scandalous. And it was only 10 years ago. Now look what we're accustomed too.

Taking all this into account, I was just thinking about the perfect fashion filled day for me: first, I would be home (and not just because I don't want to be pelted with eggs). After an attempt at elliptical exercise, I would catch up on my DVR'd 'Lipstick Jungle' (I know, it's one of the four non sci-fi shows I watch, but it actually kinda is sci-fi when you think of it because those women can't exist in the real world). Then I would go through all my magazines- I have a two foot pile of Vogues, Luckys, Marie Claires and Harper's Bazaars (don't get me started on my decorating mag collection, that's for another day) that are (neatly) piled throughout my living room and office. I would then tear out and arrange the dog eared pages -which means that there is a 'look' that I like- into a Look Book (somehow, I'd have a nifty binder with countless clear sleeves at my disposal that I would use to organize the tear-outs into a cohesive bible of fashion storytelling). And then I would go through my closet and snap pictures of potential outfits inspired by those pages and upload them to my iPhoto, much like like Alicia Silverstone did in 'Clueless' (hello! almost a perfect movie so don't make fun of me). Finally, after re-organizing my closet, I would curl up on my very comfy couch with some form of nourishment and watch the entire 7th Season of 'Buffy' on DVD, periodically thinking about all the non-events that I would be able to showcase my outfits at. My laptop would probably be really close by too, just in case I needed to browse. That would be a perfect day without spending a dime. But that won't satiate my addiction forever and if we all zap ourselves every time we approach the Beverly Center, it may not be there when we're finally ready to return. But maybe that's a good thing. Hmmmmm. I just have a feeling that I'll still find my way to whatever fashion URLS are left when the dust settles. And hopefully the market will be a little more rational in what products and prices it chooses to bear. Until then use the code EARLYGIFT at Shopbop to get 30% off any and every full priced item until midnight tonight! OK, "Hi, my name is T and I'm a online fashion addict...""Hi T..." Be back soon.

All Things T

It's a Bird! It's An Invisible Plane! It's...wait, you can't see an invisible plane...

2008-11-10T09:21:00.000-08:00

Some exciting news this morning on a favorite topic of mine (well the news itself is not really exciting but the fact that there is news is exciting) WONDER WOMAN. According to IESB.net, McG's name is circulating the halls of Warner Bros. as a possible director, and the trades are already talking about Beyonce's recent push to be the Amazon Princess (and WW fans backlash against her and an internet push for Megan Fox to take the role). OK-cool I guess- but Wonder Woman you ask? Why would that be of special interest to you? Well, let me tell you:

The first time I moved to LA the spring semester of my junior year, a 'fabulous' hair stylist at some chain salon at the now remodeled Santa Monica Mall told me that I looked like Linda Carter. 'Eww', I thought- 'she's old'. But it was the first time I had ever been told that I looked like someone famous and in LA none the less so I strutted out into the Santa Monica sun with a fresh cut and a killer smile on my face. Fast forward to actually living in LA, working in the Biz and living for 'Buffy' Tuesdays. I was obsessed with my flawed, vampire killing heroine and her Scooby gang - and who was the magician behind this fantastical world? Yup, a Joss devotee was born. Fast forward to a few years ago, zoom in on me finally pursuing my acting dreams and hearing a lot of 'wow, you look like a young Linda Carter, you should be the next Wonder Woman' from a handful of camera operators and casting directors. Not that I booked most of these jobs but at least this time it was a 'young' version. Stop the tape now to just over a year ago, well for this story's sake, and I had just left my day job as my commercial work was hopping, and TV stardom seemed just over the horizon, and I read that Joss Whedon was working on the feature adaptation of Wonder Woman. Freeze frame! My favorite TV show creator and the character that I supposedly was genetically destined to play were already playing house? I must get to Joss! I must make him see that I am the next Princess Diana!! So I wrote an eloquent but long winded letter (me- long winded?!) and went about trying to put together an audition tape- I rented old episodes (I was always more of a Bionic Woman fan when I was young), tried to nab the script from industry friends but long story short, before I got anything done, Joss' script was dead in the water and he was off the film. I was crushed. I'm going to save what actually came out of that moment for a different post, as it's pretty weighty and basically explains how I am where I am today with 'After Judgment' and some other exciting projects, but it got me looking at the reasons why it died and the actual plausibility of a Wonder Woman movie.

FEMALE SUPER HERO MOVIES- have any succeeded? Barely any have actually been made except for 'Electra' and 'Catwoman' (careful what you shoot in Vancouver- and I can say that because I'm from there) and they were based on secondary characters road tested in previous male-centric comic book movies. There have been what, five Superman movies and six Batman movies, but the third member of the supposed 'Trinity of DC Comic Characters' has only three seasons of a kitschy 70's TV show to show for? I'm pretty sure that you are already thinking, 'the invisible plane!, the lasso, the outfit!' how can you adapt those lame elements for modern day audiences but still stay true to the original comic? Well, that's the question then isn't it and that's perhaps why Joss' script ultimately didn't get off the ground. People are scared to deviate from the original comic and if they do, how then do they establish a newly defined world in a mere 120 minutes. You don't. You can't, unless there are guaranteed two sequels so the mythology can be introduced and in this economy nothing is a guarantee. In my humble opinion, Wonder Woman might not be destined for the big screen. But is there a future for in on TV?

Think of all the successful female led TV shows in recent years: My favorite, 'Buffy', 'Alias', 'Xena: Warrior Princess', 'Sarah Connor Chronicles', 'Dark Angel' and even 'True Blood' if you consider Anna Paquin the lead. Only 'Bionic Woman' has failed in recent years and I'll chock that up to mis-casting amongst other issues. Viewers have an easier time connecting with a female lead and seem to create a deeper para-social bond with the character through a longer story-telling process. Call it the gestation effect. In my opinion, it's just as powerful to watch Sarah Connor wield massive firepower with a steely glint in her eye as it is to see her walk away from her boyfriend in order to save him. I loved watching Buffy kick Spike's ass as much as I loved seeing her (literally) fall for him. Maybe i really am just a chick and need a dose of soap opera in my action but I really do think female action heroes are much more fascinating to follow for the long haul because they are just so, well alive- life and death, love and hate, good and evil- those stories can all live through a female character. Well, at least these days.

Wonder Woman was created in 1941 when the word woman meant something very different than it does now. Because of WWII, the world was thrust into a battle of good vs. evil and a fight that only men took up. That's why Wonder Woman was truly 'a wonder' because Princess Diana of the Amazon Warriors took up a fight against the worst evil that the world had ever seen, the Nazis, and a fight that only men had previously fought. And as I just touched upon, female (for lack of a better term) bad-asses are pretty much the norm in entertainment today. And we are all wonder women when you look back and see how far we have come since 1941, no superpowers needed. Thus, in some small way, perhaps this raven- haired comic character helped lay the feminist foundation and usher us along the road to equality and power.

So maybe Wonder Woman has already played her part in our generation's narrative. Maybe she paved the way for the great female TV characters that we now call our heroes and that is enough? I'm not saying that there is no future for the Amazon Princess in 'Entertainment' but I don't think that the Hollywood movie machine can make her work in the now, especially with Beyonce wearing the boots and McG wanting to pull the strings (honestly it just makes me nauseous to think about it). We need the next evolution of woman. And I personally think that Marston's original character can possibly be the jumping off platform for a new character, but that's it, and you've got to jump (and in some editions WW can fly so that's totally doable). I think the ties to Greek mythology should still be embraced, especially in a TV watching world recently reintroduced to the multi-deity realm through BSG, as it is a vast resource of story opportunities. The new 'wondrous' heroine has to be of this time and discover her 'wonder' in the present world so she can save the world of the future. Maybe these fictional heroines already exist on TV right now so we're cool...or maybe there's room for one more. Just don't make a movie Warner Bros./ Joel Silver- well unless you're willing to bring Joss back in and let him call the shots- then we can talk. And since I cut my hair- I've taken myself out of the race so no pressure on that. Be back soon.

All Things T

Following the Bird to where it takes me...aka A Balance

2008-11-06T09:44:00.000-08:00

Too much to do today with creative work, paid work (sadly very un-creative) and prepping the house and the schedule for my brother (yes the ex-Lehman brother) and his girlfriend's visit to LA but I still wanted to post a few thoughts, actually maybe just simple observations on the digital world and it's ability to foster creativity and change (yay! Obama!!!!). I'm a huge twitter fan. It is quickly ensconcing facebook for me (barely any of my 250 odd friends post updates or articles, and the 20 people that do, most of whom I don't know all that well, blanket my newsfeed with political articles day in and day out. I'm getting tired of it as I'm sure they are tiring of me and my After Judgment plugs!) Twitter is a new discovery for me, a world I peaked into because of 'After Judgment' and my efforts to spread the word about the show through a new social networking platform. I definitely had a few weeks of 'huh?' 'who do I follow?' 'will they think I'm stalking them?', 'why are YOU following me strange person from Virginia?', but now I happily venture down the 'twitter hole' and land in new fantastical worlds everyday- so many new people with so many new ideas. This exposure to a new world (no not a brave new world, no soma needed here) is ironic as I have entered a certain point in my life where my group of core friends has pretty much solidified. I am privileged to have amazing people in my life, both here in LA and in Vancouver, but even though life brings changes, like a new baby or a new job (or loss of one), the true dynamics of the group has almost stopped evolving. Being a bit of a gypsy myself, I look to move, to change, start afresh, have a new adventure, but I'm a married grown-up now and that sh*t doesn't fly! I can't very well just pick up and head to San Francisco and intern at Revision 3 because I dig(g) the Totally Rad Show or move to Silver Lake because I want to surround myself with cool artistic types. Just not an option anymore- not that it ever really was because I had my Hollywood blinders on right after college. But I have the option to check out new worlds everyday and have my creative brain be shocked into overload because of the sites and sounds (yes a pun on words) that I have stumbled upon. Maybe this is what porn is for guys? A forbidden but accessible fantasy life? You don't have to answer that...but I do feel 'alive' from my digital interactions. I had a really crazy brilliant idea this morning on how to get a long gestating script idea out there and develop it on the web- it's so thrilling to me to suddenly have this breakthrough and I can't wait to start working on it. All of two months ago I would have thought that the only way for my story to find an audience would be through the long, drawn out, painful (yet lucrative! don't get me wrong) and probably doomed to ever get greenlit because I'm not J.J. Abrams process that Hollywood offers us writer/ creators. Network TV would be a nice end game but the growing connectivity of the web and its followers is a game changer. Hopefully I'll be able to prove that. Oops- been writing longer than I meant to. I promise to write more fun and fluffy pieces about style and travel and movies on the web in the future but for now I am happy to write about a lovely balance that I have obtained in my life- full of stability, friendship and inspiration. w00t! Be back soon.

All Things T

It's Election Day...and I can't vote!

2008-11-04T09:58:00.000-08:00

This whole 'being able to write something when the inspiration strikes you' thing is really cool, why didn't I do this blog thing before? So it's Election Day and as the title indicates, I can't vote. Yuppers, I'm Canadian, and though I'm blessed by I.C.E. (don't mess with them) with my 10 year permanent residency status (ie. the Green Card and no it isn't green, it's ivory) I have yet to obtain my US citizenship. So I watch today from the sidelines and what colorful (albeit colorfully divided) sidelines they are. Two interesting things to point out about myself: 1) I am an actor and as most are, very liberal in my beliefs, 2) I am married to a Republican. Cue the uncomfortable silence. Living in LA and taking into account the first point, I am surrounded, no swarmed, with loyal and fervent Obama supporters. But what I am also surrounded by are fervent Republican haters. And when I say haters, I mean haters. Just saw a status update on my Facebook page of someone 'warning Ohio and Florida not to f*ck up the country again'. Really? Is that the most constructive and inspiring thing you can write on Election Day? I am proud to have my liberal views and believe that an Obama led country will offer us our best chance at a bright future, but does that mean that I don't listen to my husband's point of views? Do I paint him as a villain because he is a fiscal conservative and has, let's say, less liberal social views than I do? We'll kind of, but it's his right to have these views and even though I will continue to argue and even plead with him to see issues through my blue tinted glasses, if he doesn't, that is his choice and right. So vote your heart, support equality (No on 8!!) and don't hinder the process by being spiteful- that goes for both sides of the bleachers. Be back soon.

All Things T

2008-11-03T11:51:00.000-08:00

Well this is a little unnerving, my first ever blog post. I guess I will just dive right in as this is more of an introductory, hi, how are you, my name is Taryn, hope you find what I write to be interesting and entertaining but if not please don't add a rude comment as I get enough rejection already being an actress, post anyway. I actually have to give credit to my brother for motivating me to start this blog. I know in my 'about me' column I credit all the blogs and vlogs that I've come across because of 'After Judgment' for the inspiration but it was my brother, his newsletter and his lack of a blog that really put the fire in me.

My brother Tim sends out an email newsletter every morning called 'Confessions of a Lehman Trader:'. You see he happened to leave his fast paced Wall Street life and ultimately move back to Vancouver on the very day that Lehman Brothers filed for bankruptcy. Pretty crazy I know. So now that he is back in our hometown and weighing his many options, he started writing. Now I haven't read something of his since high school when my mom would make me look over one of his papers as I was his super smart sister who went to Duke. Sorry Tim, but those papers weren't very good. So when I heard that he would be writing a daily newsletter on investing, regardless of how successful he had been at Lehman's on his trading desk or the 4 years he spent at Tufts, I freaked! (in a big sister protective type of way). What if they were poorly written and were non-sensical? I feared that his reputation would be sullied before be even launched his financial career in Vancouver. I held my breath and waited for the 'ting' of my inbox. How proud I am to now say how wrong I was! Every morning at around 6am, I receive a well-crafted, engaging and insightful commentary on the world of investing and finance. And I understand about 20% of it. But that's OK (well not really as I was an economics major) as I can at least understand the thesis of his piece and gleam a bit more information on what a positions trader at an investment bank actually does. Why is his newsletter so great in my opinion? Because he writes what he knows (which is apparently a lot) and he is incredibly passionate about it. I can only imagine the valuable insights that a junior trader could take away from reading Tim's well-articulated thoughts. (Just like the amazing ideas I gathered from watching the PRNews Webinar that Brian Solis and Publicity Hound hosted last week on using Online PR to grown your business- I was like a kid in a candy store.) What is wrong about his newsletter? Not enough people have the chance to read it! He doesn't post it anywhere on the web! The more I think about it from an outreach perspective the more I lose my marbles! But I will work to change that...his lack of blog that is, not my marbles.

So how does this boomerang back to me? Well, there are a lot of things that I am passionate about and a lot of things that I consider myself knowledgeable on, they just don't all reside under the same roof. I have never had the opportunity to merge all the sub sects of my creative work and interests in my life onto one cohesive platform, from my audition tales and acting adventures, to my continuing attempts to write a mythic TV series, to my love for travel and art, to discovering new ideas in media and technology, to my dabblings in the fashion world, and to my musings on life in general, but maybe through this blog I can. I warn you- I'm a Gemini- so I never know what story or thought will tickle my fancy. I love to discover and learn new things, call me an aspiring Renaissance woman, and when I discover something new and fantastic I love to share (but don't ask to borrow my clothes I'm very particular about that). So I guess we'll see where this blog takes me! Lots of exciting (and challenging) things happening in the world, especially with the election tomorrow. Get out and vote- make your voice be heard- like I'm endeavoring to do as well.

On a side note, I'm thankful to all the people in my life who have been a champion of my big dreams and my unorthodox choice to pursue the 'creative life'. Here's to them and to my little bro. Be back soon.

All things T.